IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#aim #science #people
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Tere
Correct your spelling
There
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have
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has
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 been vast advances in the field of
science
 which can affect most aspects of human life. Many believe that the ultimate goal of
science
 must be to help make
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives better.
Therefore
, in
this
essay
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essay,
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 I am going to explain my opinion regarding
this
 topic. I would like to start
of
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off
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 with one of the most important improvements in the medical field.
For instance
, I want to mention anesthesiology specifically which
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 introduced to
this
 field 150 years ago to allow operations more tolerable
to
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for
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 people who have to undergo
a
Correct article usage
apply
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surgery. Practically, there had been no surgery before
anesthesia
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anaesthesia
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 was introduced and many patients were dying from
the
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apply
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ailments which needed more invasive interventions like
a
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apply
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simple
apendisitis
Correct your spelling
appendicitis
.
Therefore
, I believe that anesthesiology is a milestone which changed human lives to a much better one.
On the other hand
,
science
 has the potential to be misused. It is true that
everyrhing
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everything
 has two sides so,
science
 can make life better or at the same time destroy it. The invention of
atomic
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the atomic
an atomic
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 bomb is one of the most significant examples.
This
 invention caused huge
death
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deaths
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 and long-term
damades
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damage
damages
 to two cities in Japan during
world war
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World War
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.
Accordingly
, the way human beings use
science
determin
Correct your spelling
determines
 if it has a positive or negative impact on human lives. To summarize, based on what is mentioned above,
science
as
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like
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 many other fields can have benefits or drawbacks based on how it is applied. But in my opinion, the advantages
outweight
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outweigh
it's
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its
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 disadvantages if it uses wisely.
Submitted by bryan.dasco on

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Grammar & Accuracy
Ensure consistent use of past and present tenses according to the context. For example, 'Tere have been' should be 'There have been,' and the transition between past events and present implications could be smoother.
Paragraphing & Linking
To enhance coherence, strive for a seamless flow between paragraphs. The introduction of contrasting viewpoints can be made smoother with phrases like 'However,' or 'On the contrary,' before presenting opposing arguments.
Spelling
Review and correct minor spelling errors, like 'anesthesiology' (correct, but check consistency), 'everyrhing' to 'everything,' and 'apendisitis' to 'appendicitis' for improved clarity and professionalism.
While the conclusion summarises the essay well, rephrasing to reduce repetition of 'based on what is mentioned above' might make it stronger. Try starting with 'In conclusion, considering the arguments presented, it's evident that...','type':'Conclusion
Engagement with Topic
The essay effectively engages with the statement, presenting a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative impacts of science on human lives.
Use of Examples
Use of specific examples, such as anesthesiology and the atomic bomb, effectively supports your main points and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • innovations
  • sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • biotechnology
  • quality of life
  • environmental issues
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • technological
  • efficiency
  • sustainable practices
  • food security
  • agricultural
  • crop yields
  • nutrition
  • economic development
  • industries
  • poverty reduction
  • education
  • knowledge dissemination
  • informed decision-making
What to do next:
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