In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

#parts #world #people #communities #situation

In some

countries

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countries,

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individuals concentrate more on themselves rather than their surroundings. The main problems of

this

are related to isolation and degradation, and solutions are connected with interaction and education. The primary issue is associated with the

fact

that people are becoming ill-informed and they lose

Correct article usage

the

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possibility

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absorb new information. They are considered to be lazy and they cannot think fast. The second problem is connected with isolation. It has a detrimental effect on them

due to

the

fact

that they lose the ability to communicate on various topics and they try to avoid others.

Also

this

kind of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

may result in some mental issues.

According to

some psychological research,

this type

Fix the agreement mistake

these types

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of people are becoming less interested in our environment and they suffer from various mental diseases. The main solution

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show examples

the first problem is related to the

fact

that education has a beneficial impact. It is considered to be useful for those who want to avoid degradation and to pull yourself together.

As for the

Change preposition

The

show examples

second solution is associated with communication

due to

the

fact

that it has a positive impact. Active people can help individuals who suffer from loneliness and they can

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apply

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become more sociable in

this

atmosphere.

According to

some

survey

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surveys

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, approximately 70% of respondents became more open with those who lead hectic

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. In conclusion, some individuals want to spend their time alone

than

Rephrase

rather than

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with someone else.

This

essay considers

this

style of

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

to be challenging

due to

the

fact

that there are some issues that it can cause.

Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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relevant specific examples

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logical structure

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph consistently support that idea. This will improve the overall logical structure and coherence.

complete response

The essay addresses the main problems and solutions relevant to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing an ability to form logical arguments and solutions.

logical structure

The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph generally following a clear structure, which aids in maintaining coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

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firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Social isolation
Mental health issues
Community participation
Social cohesion
Civic pride
Volunteerism
Charitable contributions
Collective responsibility
Cultural heritage
Educational campaigns
Collective action
Tax deductions
Recognition programs
Mentorship
Community leadership
Intergenerational interactions

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In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Directors and managers of organization are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people are very strict about their school uniforms and the apprearance of their pupils, while other schools have a relaxed dress cod

3)Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?