IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

#parts #world #people #communities #situation
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In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 individuals concentrate more on themselves rather than their surroundings. The main problems of
this
Linking Words
 are related to isolation and degradation, and solutions are connected with interaction and education. The primary issue is associated with the
fact
Use synonyms
 that people are becoming ill-informed and they lose
a
Correct article usage
the
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 possibility
of
Change preposition
to
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 absorb new information. They are considered to be lazy and they cannot think fast. The second problem is connected with isolation. It has a detrimental effect on them
due to
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 the
fact
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 that they lose the ability to communicate on various topics and they try to avoid others.
Also
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,
this
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 kind of
behavior
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behaviour
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 may result in some mental issues.
According to
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 some psychological research,
Linking Words
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
these types
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 of people are becoming less interested in our environment and they suffer from various mental diseases. The main solution
of
Change preposition
to
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 the first problem is related to the
fact
Use synonyms
 that education has a beneficial impact. It is considered to be useful for those who want to avoid degradation and to pull yourself together.
As for the
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The
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 second solution is associated with communication
due to
Linking Words
 the
fact
Use synonyms
 that it has a positive impact. Active people can help individuals who suffer from loneliness and they can
to
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apply
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become more sociable in
this
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 atmosphere.
According to
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 some
survey
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surveys
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, approximately 70% of respondents became more open with those who lead hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. In conclusion, some individuals want to spend their time alone
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 with someone else.
This
Linking Words
 essay considers
this
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 style of
behavior
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behaviour
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 to be challenging
due to
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 the
fact
Use synonyms
 that there are some issues that it can cause.
Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on

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introduction conclusion present
Enhance the introduction by providing a more general overview of the essay topic and ensuring it clearly states what the essay will discuss.
relevant specific examples
Offer clear and specific examples to support your points further. This will provide more depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph consistently support that idea. This will improve the overall logical structure and coherence.
complete response
The essay addresses the main problems and solutions relevant to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing an ability to form logical arguments and solutions.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph generally following a clear structure, which aids in maintaining coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Community participation
  • Social cohesion
  • Civic pride
  • Volunteerism
  • Charitable contributions
  • Collective responsibility
  • Cultural heritage
  • Educational campaigns
  • Collective action
  • Tax deductions
  • Recognition programs
  • Mentorship
  • Community leadership
  • Intergenerational interactions
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