IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Presently, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#population #countries #adults #people #situation
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The statistics of people's ages in a
nation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very crucial as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
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the
Change the word
its
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 future
of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Nowadays, compared with the number of older people, the sum of people who are in
young
Add an article
the young
a young
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 category
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 in the higher account.
Therefore
, I, remain convinced that the drawbacks would
be overshadow
Change the verb form
be overshadowed
show examples
 by the merits. On the one hand, the lack of older generations in one country can lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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.
Although
 they might not
productive
Add a missing verb
be productive
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 enough to work
on
Change preposition
in
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 important posts in the authorities, their
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 is very crucial to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 or even
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 a better position
of
Change preposition
for
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 the
nation
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world.
But
Correct word choice
However
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, it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 an easy way
to
Change preposition
for
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 a country to force them to give
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 as most
of
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apply
show examples
older humans might be happier
to enjoy
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enjoying
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 retirement day.
In addition
, countries must prepare
Fix the agreement mistake
more
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much
Correct quantifier usage
more
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 money
Change preposition
for
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public care as older folks are
risker
Replace the word
riskier
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 to earn illness than the younger.
Consequently
, the burden of other important posts
such
 as education or
nation
Replace the word
national
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 protection would be lesser.
On the other hand
, the wheel of
economic
Replace the word
economy
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 in the country will move faster if they have
high
Change the article
a high
the high
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 number of young folks.
That is
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have a better innovation than the older.
For instance
, nowadays, the
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of Vietnam
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 a moderate increase as their young humans have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
innovation in
technology
Add an article
the technology
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 sector. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, many companies
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
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 in Vietnam, and the number of unemployment
is
Verb problem
has
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decrease
Correct your spelling
decreased
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.
Secondly
, the younger folks
dwilling
Correct your spelling
willing
 to learn about new technologies which is the thing that the older
dont
Correct your spelling
ones
 have.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they might lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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,
due to
 their hard work
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning, they can cope
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 problems
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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.
Thus
, can impact in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way for the
nation
. In conclusion,
although
 the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generation might have some experiences, they risk to ill.
In contrast
, the young generations have
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
 to cope
any
Change preposition
with any
show examples
 problems in
this
 era and their availability in the
nation
 will make
wheel
Add an article
a wheel
the wheel
show examples
 of economics move faster. I,
therefore
, remain believe that the merits will
eclipsed
Change the verb form
eclipse
show examples
 the drawbacks.
Submitted by alfathemaster on

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure subject-verb agreement.
organization
Clearly state the advantages and disadvantages in a more organized manner. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
support
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages of having a younger population compared to an older one.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow to the arguments presented, with each paragraph addressing a different aspect of the issue.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion.
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