Is 18 the best age to leave home if financially possible? Is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18?

#age #home #people

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There are some

aruged

Correct your spelling

argued

that young

teenagers

Use synonyms

should leave home at the age of 18

while

Linking Words

they have enough money to

life

Replace the word

live

show examples

. In my opinion, I think

that is

Linking Words

correct because

teenagers

Use synonyms

need to face their

lives

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, leaving home is a great way to

makes

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

become the independent

pepole

Correct your spelling

people

. Nowadays, young

people

Use synonyms

don't have enough chances to face their problems. Many

problen

Correct your spelling

problems

problem

are solved by their parents.

As a result

Linking Words

, young

teenagers

Use synonyms

become dependent

people

Use synonyms

. They cannot face the problem by themselves.

According to

Linking Words

the report from Hong Kong. It shows over 160,000 young

teenagers

Use synonyms

in Hong Kong cannot wear the clothes by themselves. So, we can see

that is

Linking Words

a serious problem

Change preposition

for

show examples

those

teenagers

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

teenagers

Use synonyms

who do not leave their homes are easy to get

depression

Replace the word

depressed

show examples

. Some teenager

lives

Use synonyms

in comfort because their parents

solves

Change the verb form

solve

show examples

everythings

Correct your spelling

everything

Change preposition

show examples

their

lives

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, They always

Change the verb form

are

show examples

unhappy

Linking Words

while

Correct word choice

when

show examples

get

Change the verb form

getting

show examples

into

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

. They do not have enough

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

to solve their problems by themselves.

For example

Linking Words

, Those

teenagers

Use synonyms

may be unhappy only because

somethings

Correct your spelling

some things

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their

lives

Use synonyms

are

little

Add an article

a little

show examples

bit uncomfortable. In conclusion, I agree that young

people

Use synonyms

should leave their homes

beacause

Correct your spelling

because

it is a great way to

makes

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

them become

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

independent

people

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who

are leave

Change the verb form

leave

show examples

their

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

have

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

changes

Correct your spelling

chances

show examples

to get

Change preposition

of getting

show examples

depression.

Submitted by millstonelee on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task response

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion on it. Currently, it's a bit unclear due to some grammatical errors and poor word choice.

task response

Your conclusion restates your opinion, which is good, but try to summarize the main points more clearly.

task response

Develop each of your main points with more detail and use specific examples to clarify your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Work on structuring your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition and stay focused on your main argument throughout the essay. Some ideas are repeated without further development.

coherence cohesion

Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Review basic grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and enhance clarity. Common mistakes include subject-verb agreement and word choice.

task response

Your essay addresses an interesting question about when it is best for young people to leave home, which is a relevant and engaging topic.

task response

You make an effort to support your ideas with some points and examples, which is essential for a good essay.

coherence cohesion

You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

223 words

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Is 18 the best age to leave home if financially possible? Is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18?

Your opinion

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Some people think that govements should spend money for faster public transportation , others think that there are other important priortities . Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people believe that learning a foreign language is a very difficult task. What are the most difficult things about learning a foreign language? What is the best way to overcome them?

in some countries, more and more people are becoming intrested in finding out about the history of the houses or building they live in. what are the reasons for this? how can people research this?