IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Is 18 the best age to leave home if financially possible? Is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18?

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There are some
aruged
Correct your spelling
argued
 that young
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should leave home at the age of 18
while
Linking Words
 they have enough money to
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
. In my opinion, I think
that is
Linking Words
 correct because
teenagers
Use synonyms
 need to face their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, leaving home is a great way to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 become the independent
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
. Nowadays, young
people
Use synonyms
 don't have enough chances to face their problems. Many
problen
Correct your spelling
problems
problem
 are solved by their parents.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
teenagers
Use synonyms
 become dependent
people
Use synonyms
. They cannot face the problem by themselves.
According to
Linking Words
 the report from Hong Kong. It shows over 160,000 young
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in Hong Kong cannot wear the clothes by themselves. So, we can see
that is
Linking Words
 a serious problem
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who do not leave their homes are easy to get
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
. Some teenager
lives
Use synonyms
 in comfort because their parents
solves
Change the verb form
solve
show examples
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
lives
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, They always
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unhappy
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 into
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. They do not have enough
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 to solve their problems by themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, Those
teenagers
Use synonyms
 may be unhappy only because
somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
lives
Use synonyms
 are
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
 bit uncomfortable. In conclusion, I agree that young
people
Use synonyms
 should leave their homes
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 it is a great way to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
are leave
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
changes
Correct your spelling
chances
show examples
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 depression.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion on it. Currently, it's a bit unclear due to some grammatical errors and poor word choice.
task response
Your conclusion restates your opinion, which is good, but try to summarize the main points more clearly.
task response
Develop each of your main points with more detail and use specific examples to clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and stay focused on your main argument throughout the essay. Some ideas are repeated without further development.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review basic grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and enhance clarity. Common mistakes include subject-verb agreement and word choice.
task response
Your essay addresses an interesting question about when it is best for young people to leave home, which is a relevant and engaging topic.
task response
You make an effort to support your ideas with some points and examples, which is essential for a good essay.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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