Is 18 the best age to leave home if financially possible? Is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18?
There are some
aruged
that young Correct your spelling
argued
teenagers
should leave home at the age of 18 while
they have enough money to life
. In my opinion, I think Replace the word
live
that is
correct because teenagers
need to face their lives
.
Firstly
, leaving home is a great way to makes
young Wrong verb form
make
people
become the independent pepole
. Nowadays, young Correct your spelling
people
people
don't have enough chances to face their problems. Many problen
are solved by their parents. Correct your spelling
problems
problem
As a result
, young teenagers
become dependent people
. They cannot face the problem by themselves. According to
the report from Hong Kong. It shows over 160,000 young teenagers
in Hong Kong cannot wear the clothes by themselves. So, we can see that is
a serious problem to
those Change preposition
for
teenagers
.
Secondly
, teenagers
who do not leave their homes are easy to get depression
. Some teenager Replace the word
depressed
lives
in comfort because their parents solves
Change the verb form
solve
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
on
their Change preposition
in
lives
. However
, They always be
unhappy Change the verb form
are
while
Correct word choice
when
get
into Change the verb form
getting
problem
. They do not have enough Fix the agreement mistake
problems
experiences
to solve their problems by themselves. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
For example
, Those teenagers
may be unhappy only because somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
on
their Change preposition
in
lives
are little
bit uncomfortable.
In conclusion, I agree that young Add an article
a little
people
should leave their homes beacause
it is a great way to Correct your spelling
because
makes
them become Wrong verb form
make
the
independent Correct article usage
apply
people
. On the other hand
, people
who are leave
their Change the verb form
leave
home
have Fix the agreement mistake
homes
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
changes
Correct your spelling
chances
to get
depression.Change preposition
of getting
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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion on it. Currently, it's a bit unclear due to some grammatical errors and poor word choice.
task response
Your conclusion restates your opinion, which is good, but try to summarize the main points more clearly.
task response
Develop each of your main points with more detail and use specific examples to clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and stay focused on your main argument throughout the essay. Some ideas are repeated without further development.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review basic grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and enhance clarity. Common mistakes include subject-verb agreement and word choice.
task response
Your essay addresses an interesting question about when it is best for young people to leave home, which is a relevant and engaging topic.
task response
You make an effort to support your ideas with some points and examples, which is essential for a good essay.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?