Prevention is more important than cure. researching and treating disease is very costly, so it is better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is clear that
prevention
is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better than
cure
.
survering
Correct your spelling
surveying
and treating illness is so much
costly
Correct quantifier usage
more costly
show examples
.Actually , it
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
an arm and a leg
due to
expensive medicines.
Hence
,
this
is logical that we do
prevention
instead
of
cure
. I agree with
this
issue completely and I will explain my own opinion in
further
paragraphs.
To begin
with ,
prevention
is the best way to have a
health's
Change noun form
health
show examples
body
. Since we will have an exceptionally good
enotion
Correct your spelling
emotion
notion
motion
always.
Furthermore
, families do not have to need any
cure
or
surjury
Correct your spelling
surgery
.
On the other hand
,
cure
Add an article
the cure
a cure
show examples
is so
expencive
Correct your spelling
expensive
.
Hence
,
people
can save their money and invest somewhere they like and enjoy their healthy
body
.
Moreover
, if citizens prevent harmful foods and dangerous activities , they will not have any pain .
In addition
, children have a role model for their lives .
For instance
, they learn from their parent.
Thus
, parents should have a healthy diet and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise to teach their children.
It is clear that
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
show examples
is more costly.
Additionally
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
be
show examples
no hospital or advanced
cure
centres in the countryside.
Hence
,
people
's
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
will become
dangerouse
Correct your spelling
dangerous
as soon as possible.
Besides
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not enough human staff in the
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
centres ,
such
as doctors and nurses.
Therefore
,
this
is a risk for
people
to become
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
.
Also
, there are many human errors in every hospital in the world
due to
boredom and
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
a mistake . So , in my idea ,
prevention
is a good way to invest our money in a positive direction.
As a consequence
, we live in a perfect society . On the ground that we have a healthy
body
as well as
a healthy family.
Furthermore
, we help to government's economy as long as possible.
To sum up
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life leads to motivation and
according to
reasarching
Correct your spelling
research
about disease ,
prevention
and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a healthy diet
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
body
and
people
do not need to
cure
and
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
extra costs
for
Correct pronoun usage
for it
show examples
.
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt, but there are some areas where you can improve. For instance, your points could be clearer and more developed. Adding more specific examples and explanations will help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, there are instances where your ideas jump from one to another without clear transitions. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that make the essay harder to understand. Paying close attention to grammar and sentence structure in future essays will help make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay begins with a clear introduction and concludes with a summary of your main points. This helps the reader understand the scope of your argument.
task achievement
You have identified a key issue and have addressed it throughout your essay. This shows that you have understood the prompt well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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