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Band 3

There are parents who prefer to teach children themselves at home instead of sending them to school in some countries. Do the advantages of homeschooling outweigh the disadvantages?

#parents #children #home #school #countries
In certain nations ,parents select
homeschoolding
Correct your spelling
homeschooling
homeschool ding
 than educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
.
This
 essay will argue that the advantages of
this
 outweigh the drawbacks . Teaching at
home
 can avoid
school
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
also
 family
school
 deprives kids
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 society and friends. One of the main advantages of
home
school
Wrong verb form
schooling
show examples
 is that it
warn
Change the verb form
warns
show examples
 your child against psychological and physical dangers from classmates. Among
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
children
Add a comma
children,
show examples
 there are those who laugh and mock
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they are a little different from them.
For example
, in Kazakhstan at
this
 time 75
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
school children
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
show examples
 were victims of
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
.
Disadvantage
Add an article
The disadvantage
A disadvantage
show examples
 of
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 academy is that children can’t make connections ,
talk
Correct word choice
or talk
show examples
 with other pupils
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 age .Sitting
in
Change preposition
behind
show examples
 four walls and without
comunicating
Correct your spelling
communicating
 leads to
such
state
Correct article usage
a state
show examples
 that when
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 gets into society , he will feel uncomfortable ,
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
 be afraid to express
thier
Correct your spelling
his
 opinion to society.
For instance
 , during the
quarantine
Add a comma
quarantine,
show examples
 many kids stopped
communication
Replace the word
communicating
show examples
 with each other ,and many of them closed in on themselves. In conclusion , the fact that
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 teaching at
home
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the tone for the essay, but it could be improved by providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph introduces a clear main point and then elaborates on it. The cohesion could be improved by using more linking words to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Explain your points in more detail and provide specific examples to support them. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question directly and covers both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling. This shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay neatly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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