In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population, create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #asian

When talking about the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population,

people

's opinions seem to be divergent on

such

a controversial issue. Some

people

believe that the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population causes problems for

society

However

, other

people

take the opposite position. I partially agree with the statements as follows. The reason most related to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

people

expense

Add an article

the expense

an expense

show examples

. If

people

live a longer life, they may have a longer

30 years

Correct your spelling

30-year

retirement period and may be financially supported by the government or house.

Secondly

, if a large proportion of the population has age-related illnesses, it may significantly impact the medical system and take up the resources that could be better allocated to others.

Moreover

, assuming that elderly

people

may be financially independent,

then

young

people

need to compete in a more severe job market, just like the current China.

However

, old

people

could benefit the whole

society

in terms of skills, wisdom, and experiences. Modern

people

are considered more active and more productive than their counterparts 50 years ago.

This

means that the old

people

are no longer blocked but the wealth of the

society

. After retirement,

people

also

could contribute value to

society

by promoting charity activities, buying products as consumers, and helping their families. The grandparents could take children carefully and help to release the stress of the parents. In conclusion, it appears to me that expense is the main negative impact, including financial support, medical system contraction, and potential drop in market stress.

However

people

also

could contribute to the development of

society

such

as helping

raising

Wrong verb form

raise

show examples

children.

Submitted by yu18526106986 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

Consider expanding on relevant specific examples to clearly illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide better support for your main ideas.

coherence cohesion

Work on clearly presenting each idea in separate paragraphs to improve the logical structure of your essay. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.

task achievement

The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Main points are logically supported, providing a good flow to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population, create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People are using a lot of online language translation apps. Do the bene fits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

at the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having one language in the world?