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Band 6

Many young people leave school with a negative attitude towards education. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage young people to study harder?

#people #school #attitude #education #study
Teenagers believe
theories
 they learn at school do not have a significant impact on their lives. The reason behind
that is
 they think that
theories
 are not crucial enough to care about. To overcome the problem, schools must incorporate both academics and implement those in their curriculums. Societies doctrine the youngster that
theories
 themself are not sufficient enough to get their work done efficiently.
Consequently
, from the
students
’ perspective, they saw the
theory
 as not crucial for their studies or the future.
Nevertheless
, some adults argue whether they are the cause of the issue as they think the teacher themself plant that doctrine in their
students
.
Although
this
 may be true, experts suggest that 75 companies worldwide tell their workers to implement the
theory
 more rather than make it strong
first
.
As a consequence
, the exercise was more highlighted than the
theory
. Given these points, people,
as well as
 they saw
theory
 as a side skill to learn, rather than being the most important aspect to learn
first
. It may seem that the exercise was the issue but it is as crucial as academic’
theory
.
Thus
, utilizing them both will bring more benefits to the student.
Nonetheless
, there is a mixed opinion where some people see academics as more crucial than implementing it and others see they could learn as they walk.
On the other hand
, the scientist states that mastering the basic
first
, which is the
theory
, will make them do their jobs efficiently and increase their productivity.
In addition
, they state that
students
 who master the basics will boost their productivity by 20% above the average.
For
this
 reason, School needs to teach their student to master academics
first
 to make
students
 think that
theories
 are important.
Overall
, the reason why the
students
 do not positively see
theories
 is because teenagers see
theory
 as trivial, and implementing it seems more beneficial for them.
Additionally
, as a solution, making a curriculum for incorporates them at the same time could be one of the solutions to solve the issue.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
While you've addressed the question, your response can be more thorough. Try to more clearly outline the reasons why young people develop negative attitudes towards education and provide specific, actionable solutions to encourage them to study harder.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your arguments follow a clear, logical order.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but they could be more developed with specific examples or evidence. Adding real-world scenarios or studies can help illustrate your points more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
You have shown an understanding of both the issue and potential solutions, which demonstrates a good grasp of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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