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Band 6

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 information about
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 employment type categorized by sex in the previous year.
Overall
, there are more
men
Correct your spelling
male
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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women
 working in Australia. The domination of
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 happened in most
sector
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sectors
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 except professionals and
clerical
Correct article usage
the clerical
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sector
.
On Those
Correct your spelling
In those
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 two
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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women
being
Wrong verb form
were
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majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 number with 700.000 per 1.350.000 as professionals and 980.000 per 1.800.000 as
clericals
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clerical
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.
Then
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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clerical
women
identified
Add a missing verb
were identified
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 as
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 category.With only those two
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
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 dominated by
women
,
another category
Fix the agreement mistake
other categories
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such
 as manager, semi-professional, tradespeople, production and laborer
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 are dominated by
men
. The highest gap between gender showed in
tradespeople
Correct article usage
the tradespeople
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sector
, as the
men
is
Change the verb form
are
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 8 times more than the
women
.
Moreover
, there are far more
men
 employed as managers, the
numbers
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number
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 of
men
is
Verb problem
has
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 almost tripled
women
 with only 200.000
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
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.
In contrast
,
Correct article usage
the laborer
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laborer
Change the spelling
labourer
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sector
 only
a
Add a missing verb
has a
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difference of 110.000 approximately. In conclusion, the employment
sector
 in Australia in
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year is dominated by
men
 in most
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 except clerical and professional.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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