IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that sports are an essential part of school life for children while you should give reasons for your answers and include. ideas and examples

#people #sports #part #school #life #children #answers
Some might argue that physical
activities
such
 as
sports
 are
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of education for
children
.
Sports
 are great
activities
 for
children
 to develop their
motoric
Correct your spelling
motor
show examples
 and mental
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
, so
that is
 why I personally agree with that statement. The main purpose of
sports
 is to exercise the body so it
would become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
. We can get the benefit of
sports
 more by starting it
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
an
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age, which is childhood age. By
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
exercise
Replace the word
exercising
show examples
 regularly,
children
 would make their body to become more used to
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 motoric
Fix the agreement mistake
stimuli
show examples
stimulus
Fix the agreement mistake
stimuli
show examples
 so they will gain a strong and developed body.
For example
,
children
 who are doing
sports
such
 as basketball and swimming are more likely taller and have stronger bodies than their peers who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not participate in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
activities
.
That is
 why
sports
 are beneficial for
children
's health and
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of their bodies.
In addition
,
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are used to doing
sports
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to become more immune to disease, including mental illness. Many studies found that
sports
 are great
activities
 to release stress and anxiety, which are the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 many diseases.
This
 is true especially if
children
are engage
Change the verb form
are engaged
are engaging
show examples
 in team
sports
,
such
 as football. Team
sports
 are the best way for
children
 to learn teamwork,
Correct word choice
and coordination
show examples
coordination
Correct word choice
and coordination
show examples
, and develop their social skills.
Moreover
,
children
 could develop their social life by making bonds in their team so they are less likely to have stress and anxiety because they have friends that will support them. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
sports
 are essential for
children
's education because it would help them develop their physical bodies and their mental wellness, which is very beneficial for
children
 to thrive in their school life.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. For instance, you can mention specific studies or statistics that show the benefits of sports on children’s health.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each of your paragraphs has a clear and cohesive structure. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion that summarise your main points.
supported main points
The main points presented in the essay are relevant and contribute to addressing the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: