You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

Many
people
’s whole lives are controlled by technology, especially the internet. With so many different devices available and the number of wifi hotspots increasing all the time,
people
can surf the internet anytime they want to. It’s easy to waste hours browsing or posting trivia on social media.
This
is often for no real purpose but simply because
people
are addicted to it. Everywhere you go you see
people
tapping away on their mobile phones rather than engaging with the
people
around them. I think some
people
realise that they’re slaves to technology and have made a conscious decision to cut down on their use of the internet and their mobiles
in particular
. It’s hard to relax with emails, social media posts and texts pinging at you all the time. There’s more understanding these days of mindfulness and the need to regularly step back from our frantic, stressful lives. Reducing the use of our electronic devices can certainly help a great deal with
this
and I believe
this
is many
people
’s motivation for doing so.
Submitted by viktoria.popova92 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples. Consider using clear transition phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating the topic and both views. This will frame your discussion better. Additionally, round off your essay with a solid conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Task Achievement
To meet the task requirements more completely, discuss both views more explicitly. Currently, the essay focuses more on the negative aspects of technology without equally addressing the opposing view that people are responsible for their happiness despite these distractions.
Language Use
Your writing demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and sentence structures, making it generally clear and easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The essay highlights an important contemporary issue and provides insight into people's relationship with technology. This shows a thoughtful engagement with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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