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Band 7

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#contact #people #home #telephone #devices #time #outweigh
Till the middle of the 20th century, there were only a few ways to communicate with society at home, they were by phone or by writing a letter. In recent days, smartphones have applied for communication wherever you want 24 hours a day.
However
,
this
 essay agrees that the advantages of modern communication technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Because of modern devices, we save
time
,
while
 the negative influence on health by mobile phones is easy to prevent. Obviously,
time
 is an irreplaceable resource, and
that is
 the reason why it is so valuable.
However
, today's gadgets spare hours of our lives.
For example
, there is a trend to work online. The
last
 research provided by the Social Agency of Social Connections in Great Britain shows that the average of
such
 workers is 32% and it constantly increasing.
Therefore
, the main reason for
this
 tendency is that people economize their
time
, says Gerbert Walles, CEO of the Agency.
This
 case becomes possible for digital terms, using them you stay at home and not waste hours on a road trip to your workplace. Despite
this
, unwise use of a mobile phone can waste your
time
 as good as it saves.
On the other hand
, modern technology can hurt human well-being. Previous models of mobile damage health during charging, when it eradicates microwaves. A lot of people charge their phones
while
 sleeping.
As a result
, it damages their health.
For instance
, Samsung company approached
this
 problem.
Furthermore
, they presented data that 35% of the active users charge their phones when they sleep.
According to
 the research, they decreased
this
 negative effect,
also
 there was a public campaign that explained the terms of the right usage. Now there are no bad consequences of the emitting, but it still injures the eyes. We've got almost the safe tool to take our
time
.
Additionally
, you can just follow instructions to avoid disadvantages. In conclusion, the great benefit is saving
time
 engaged by modern technical issues, meanwhile, negative factors are prevented.
Submitted by interclass1982 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay presents a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant points. However, you should ensure all ideas are fully developed and clearly expressed. For instance, the argument about time-saving could be elaborated further to show a deeper analysis.
relevant specific examples
Ensure that every claim or point made is supported with clear evidence or example. For example, the point about modern devices saving time could be supported with more specific statistics or real-life examples.
logical structure
Work on improving your logical structure. While your essay has a beginning, middle, and end, some points could flow more logically. Ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and ideas are presented in a coherent manner.
introduction conclusion present
Though you introduced and concluded your essay well, try to make the introduction more captivating and the conclusion more impactful by summarizing the main points more effectively and providing a final thought or reflection.
complete response
Your essay clearly responds to the question and maintains relevance throughout. You address both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, giving it a coherent beginning and end.
supported main points
You provided specific examples, such as the data from the Social Agency of Social Connections and Samsung. These help in making your points more concrete and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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