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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

9.The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

9.The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart provides information about the consumption of three types of
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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included
Wrong verb form
including
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hamburgers
Use synonyms
,
pizza
Use synonyms
 and fried chicken by Mauritius teenagers from 1985 to 2015. It can be seen that
pizza
Use synonyms
 was the most frequently consumed type of
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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 in 1985 but by 2015
is
Verb problem
it was
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 the least consumed.
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and fried chicken were eaten only a few
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 in 1985,
however
Linking Words
, in 2015 consumption of both has increased to around 60 to 70
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the figures,
Use synonyms
hamburgers
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburger
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 consumption started low in 1985 and hit the highest point at 71
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
fried
Add an article
the fried
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 chicken started low and
experiences
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 a
significantly
Change the word
significant
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 by 2005 at 60
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, after that slightly increased by 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
pizza
Use synonyms
 was the highest consumed by Mauritian
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 at around 60
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in 1985 but declined substantially to 10
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 by 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and fried checked had been the most popular fast- food by 2015, with the enormous increase in numbers eaten,
while
Linking Words
pizza
Use synonyms
 was the most widely eaten from the start, declined substantially in popularity.
Submitted by sunnyrogle22 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hamburgers, pizza, times, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantially" was used 2 times.
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