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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even criticism of their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #quality #education #school #students #comments #criticism #teachers #loss #respect #discipline #classroom
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Education
 indeed plays a crucial role in society. A large number of people believe that high
school
 peers should be motivated to
criticise
 their
mentors
 in order to enhance the
quality
 of
education
while
 others say that
this
 tendency brings a loss of
respect
 and discipline in the
classroom
.
This
 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
students
 should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to make
comments
 and
criticise
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their tutors because it helps to improve the
quality
 of
education
.
This
 means peers are the assets of every nation, so they have
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to study a
quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
.
For example
, in Australia, high schools set a feedback box inside the
classroom
, and
as a result
,
students
 can
criticise
 their teachers through feedback letters in order to
mentors
 change their way of teaching and improve their
quality
 of
education
. Needless to say, making
comments
 and
criticise
Correct your spelling
criticism
show examples
 towards tutors can improve the student's life through
education
.
In contrast
, making
criticism
 towards lectures creates a loss of discipline and
respect
 in the
classroom
 because learner's behaviour
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 rude and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more trouble inside the
classroom
, especially taking class time.
This
 is because
school
 boys and girls should maintain a
decorm
Correct your spelling
decorum
decor
, how to behave in
school
 and how to
respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
mentors
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they do not have these qualities how to learn
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
education
.
For instance
, in India,
students
 should
respect
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their teachers when they enter
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
 whatever happens their
respect
 never decreases,
this
 is one kind of
education
 to
mould
Wrong verb form
moulds
show examples
 learners to become
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in society.
Hence
, making
criticism
 and
comments
 towards
mentors
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more detrimental effects to peers. In conclusion,
although
 a feedbox inside the
classroom
 can
make
Verb problem
improve
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
quality
 of
education
 through
comments
 and
criticism
 towards
mentors
,
students
 should adhere
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
decirm
Correct your spelling
desire
decorum
 towards their teachers, so they should
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reflect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
However
, in my opinion, about
this
, making
criticism
 towards lectures by pupils
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a loss of
respect
 and discipline in the
classroom
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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grammar
Work on your grammar and sentence structures. There are some errors that affect the clarity and coherence of your points.
vocabulary
Try to avoid repeating the same phrases multiple times, like 'making comments and criticism.' Use synonyms to add variety to your language.
writing strategies
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the conclusion and summarize the main points discussed, linking them effectively to your overall argument.
introduction
The introduction is clear and effectively introduces both viewpoints.
content
Good use of examples to support your points, such as the feedback box in Australia and the respect towards teachers in India.
structure
The essay reasonably covers both sides of the argument.
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