Some people think that because some children find some subject such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #mathematics #philosophy

Some scholars believe that because many kids

suffering

Wrong verb form

suffer

show examples

from some materials like mathematics and philosophy, they have to make these articles voluntarily for him .

Although

this

opinion has some logic,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

l think

these science

Change the determiner

this science

show examples

must

study

Wrong verb form

be studied

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

kindergarten.

To sum up

, some people argue that the article which requires much

think

Replace the word

thinking

show examples

because it is

complicates

Wrong verb form

complicated

show examples

should exclude from school,

others

Correct word choice

while others

show examples

have contrary views. I completely disagree with

this

view and l think

this materials

Change the determiner

this material

these materials

show examples

must

teach

Wrong verb form

be taught

show examples

at school because it is important for the future of children.

Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on Wed Jun 19 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and provide supporting arguments in separate body paragraphs.

task achievement

Use specific examples or evidence to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding general statements like 'some people argue' without explaining their reasons in detail.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words and transitional phrases to ensure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to another.

coherence cohesion

Provide more elaboration in the conclusion to summarize your main points effectively.

task achievement

You have addressed the prompt and provided your opinion on the issue.

coherence cohesion

The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which is a good practice.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

89 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that because some children find some subject such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Environmental problems are too big for individuals countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. What is your opinion?

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many research found that some food and drink products containing bad substance for human, therefore it must be banned from the market. To what extent do you agree or disagree?