Too much emphasis is given for education of the young children. Moregovernment money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some scholars believe that because many kids suffer from some materials like mathematics and philosophy, they have to make these articles voluntarily for
him
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Although
this
opinion has some logic, l think this
science must be studied in kindergarten.
To sum up
, some people argue that the article which requires much thinking because it is complicated should exclude
from school, Wrong verb form
be excluded
while
others have contrary views. I completely disagree with this
view and l think these materials must be taught at school because it is important for the future of children.Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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task achievement
Your essay should provide a clear introduction that outlines your position on whether more government money should be spent on free-time activities for young people or education. Stick to one topic per essay to maintain clarity.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully and provide specific examples to support your points. For example, elaborate on why mathematics and philosophy are important for children’s development.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by linking sentences and ideas more smoothly. Use transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. The first part of your essay discusses the opinion of some scholars, while the second part presents your opinion. Ensure that each section is better developed.
task achievement
You make a clear stand on the subject, indicating that complicated subjects should not be excluded from the curriculum.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a conclusion that summarizes your main point effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite