Adults do less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sports events on the television such as the Olympics and international tournaments is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are more effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, few adults participate in physical activities. Some
people
believe that watching
sports
on
TVs
Fix the agreement mistake
TV
show examples
can motivate them to exercise. I believe that
although
watching
sports
events like the Olympics and tournaments could inspire
people
to go out and explore these
sports
, governments can educate these
people
about the positive effects of working out could be a better way to encourage
people
. On the one hand, viewing
sports
channels can inspire adults to be fit. They will get the excitement when watching these shows because they will feel like they have to try it out.
For instance
, when
people
watch their favourite sportsman, they get inspired to be like them and they join
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
club.
This
will help them to be fit and
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
On the other hand
, governments can campaign about the
health
benefits by doing
sports
.
That is
to say that they can spread information about how it improves heart and mental
health
. If
this
comes from the government,
people
will be more aware of
this
and will eventually put effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
doing physically challenging activities.
For example
, the Sri Lankan government conducted campaigns about
health
in terms of exercise for the past 5 years, and during
this
period, many
people
have gotten local memberships in
sports
centres. In conclusion, showing adults
sports
events could drive them to do
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities;
however
, I believe that educating
people
about
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
benefits of
sports
will have a
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
effect in persuading them because
people
tend to listen to the words that
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
from their leaders.
Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on

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task achievement
The essay provides a reasonable discussion of both views and a clear opinion but could be strengthened by explaining some points in more detail. For example, provide more specific examples and elaborate on how watching sports might lead to regular exercise routines.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a smooth flow from one idea to the next. Additionally, consider breaking paragraphs into smaller sections to enhance readability and provide a more logical structure.
language grammar
Make sure to double-check spelling and grammar, especially with word choice. For example, 'health' should be 'healthy' in the phrase 'to be fit and health'.
task achievement
You have presented a clear and balanced introduction, nicely setting up the topic and the two perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents your stance clearly.
task achievement
Specific examples like the Sri Lankan government's campaign add credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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