Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Nowadays with the huge evaluation of technology and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
shows. People started to forget their social life. Some people think that
television
is making people forget their families and making them less active in the community.
While
others believe that there’s no danger
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
spending time in front of the screens.
This
essay will discuss both sides and draw my personal conclusion
at the end
. On the one hand,
Television
can be a reason to create more communication with others.
For example
, you can have quality time watching movies at home with your friends and talking about what’s happening in the movie.
Furthermore
, you can start a small chat with a stranger about a program that the two of you like and become friends because of it. So, that’s why some think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
isn’t a bad thing as others claim.
On the other hand
,
television
can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
a real negative effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
our communication, especially for the new generation. To illustrate, many parents do rely on kid’s TV shows as a source of entertainment for their children
instead
of letting them play outside and communicate with other kids. Or even worse, sometimes they depend on it to teach them rather than
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
with them and educate them the healthy way.
Hence
the belief that TV shows can actually create an introverted generation that lacks any sense of social skills. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
. I believe that
Television
isn’t the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the problem. The choice is in our hands whether we choose to use it in a good way to gather with our
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
ones or take it as an excuse to avoid handling our social life and cage our children with it so they won’t cause us any trouble.
Submitted by sarah.a.aljuaid on

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task achievement
While the introduction sets up the topic well, it's essential to make sure the thesis statement is clear. Instead of saying "draw my personal conclusion at the end," briefly state your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Try to further develop the examples you provide. For instance, when discussing the positive side, consider explaining more specific ways television can foster communication.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, the ideas should be expanded with more depth and structured examples. This would better support the arguments you make.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that flows logically from one to the other. For example, you could elaborate on how television affects different age groups or compare it to other forms of media.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents a clear stance.
task achievement
The essay introduces both sides of the argument, which provides a balanced view.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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