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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#floor #plan #library #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided diagram illustrates the comparisons of the design of public
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 20 years ago and recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the changes are rapid. A lot of
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
added
Add a missing verb
was added
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 book
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and many
space
Change to a plural noun
spaces
show examples
 changed.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we can
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 that the old library had six rooms. The first things we could
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
reading
Correct article usage
the reading
show examples
 room
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left and
enquiry
Correct article usage
the enquiry
show examples
 desk
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right. After 20 years, those two
place
Change to a plural noun
places
show examples
are rebuild
Change the verb form
are rebuilt
are rebuilding
show examples
 into
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 room and café respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the middle space
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had some new looks.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 section
was exchange
Change the verb form
was exchanged
was exchanging
show examples
 into all reference
books
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 part moved
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the right side replacing
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
non fiction
Add a hyphen
non-fiction
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 side. The space to watch
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
,
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 and
playing
Replace the word
play
show examples
 games was renowned with
Correct article usage
a children
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
fictions
Change the noun form
fiction
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 corner with some storytelling events and
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 sofa inside it. The
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 place was changed into
lecture
Correct article usage
a lecture
show examples
 room.
Lastly
Linking Words
, another improvement that we can see was the foreseen of
table
Correct article usage
a table
show examples
 and chair in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the library.
Submitted by yoke.meiliadewayanti on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "firstly".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • floor plan
  • public library
  • layout
  • reading area
  • computer station
  • multimedia section
  • children's area
  • reference section
  • study cubicles
  • shelving units
  • digital media
  • technological advancements
  • user behavior
  • accessibility
  • traffic flow
  • modernization
  • community needs
  • conversion
  • allocation
  • removal
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