IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#countries #aid #hasn’t #poverty #nations
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There is no denying the fact that giving financial
aid
 to poor countries is critical to preventing
poverty
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that there is an ongoing debate with compelling reasons about helping developing
regions
 has not solved the problem of
poverty
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that giving financial
aid
 to nations that suffering from
poverty
 can help them to thrive.
To begin
 with, developed countries should allocate their budget to
aid
 poor
regions
.
In other words
, every government worldwide must make a campaign to lend a helping hand to stop those people from dying.
In addition
, several nations are suffering from wars and a lack of resources, so giving financial
aid
 is important.
For example
, if the world collaborates to lend a helping hand when needed, we will all benefit from each other and thrive. Another point to consider, developing
regions
 need an immense amount of money to yield. It is
also
 possible to say that, those
regions
 had great debts.
Moreover
, they can not allocate any of their budgets to enhance their important sectors
such
 as health care, and education.
For instance
, African countries; do not have enough resources and treatments, and
as a result
, they are dying from diseases because they lack treatments and resources. To encapsulate the essence of everything that has been stated so far, despite people having different views, I believe that governments and individuals should collaborate to donate their money to stop
poverty
 from developing in those nations.
Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance and addresses the task effectively. However, you could strengthen your argument by acknowledging the other side of the debate more explicitly and explaining why alternative forms of aid might also be necessary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices to further enhance the flow of your arguments. For example, phrases like 'Moreover' and 'For instance' are helpful, but varied usage would improve the readability.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a clear stance and the conclusion effectively encapsulates the essay's main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to African countries, which helps to support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial aid
  • development aid
  • sustainable development
  • economic growth
  • vocational training
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure development
  • trade and investment
  • healthcare initiatives
  • technological transfers
  • corruption and governance
  • effective utilization
  • long-term solutions
  • economic disparity
What to do next:
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