Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment

this

contemporary education,

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

are too competitive

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

negative

Add an article

a negative

the negative

show examples

impact on

students

' health and intrinsic motivation.

However

, others might argue that the competitive

environment

might encourage

children

to prepare their readiness

Change preposition

for

show examples

Change the article

show examples

university and ignite their motivations. In

this

essay, I will examine both perspectives and address my opinion supporting that

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should not force

student

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students

show examples

to learn

excesstively

Correct your spelling

excessively

. Excessive educationally competitive

surrounding

Fix the agreement mistake

surroundings

show examples

might cause mental and physical health issues.

For example

overempazied on

Verb problem

overextended

show examples

education could lead to

stresss

Correct your spelling

stress

and

anxiousty

Correct your spelling

anxiety

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show examples

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

which may reflect

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apply

show examples

physical illnesses

such

headache

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headaches

show examples

As a result

this

may affect

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apply

show examples

long-term

children

's health conditions and need to be

cure

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cured

show examples

for a long time. Another negative effect is

that

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the

show examples

intrinsic motivation to learn. The reason

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for

show examples

this

is that

children

were forced to learn by their parents and peer pressure not because they

willing

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were willing

show examples

to learn by their own aspirations.

This

could lead to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of interest in study and burnout syndrome.

On the other hand

, there are many who agree with that competitive

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

encorage

Correct your spelling

encourage

students

to achieve their future goals.

For instance

Correct the article-noun agreement

students

a student

show examples

students

studying hard might have much more time to prepare their readiness

for

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show examples

enrol in

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show examples

university by taking some extra courses or making their portfolio.

Consequently

, that student might have a higher chance to be accepted to their

dreamed

Replace the word

dream

show examples

university and pursue their interests and passions.

Moreover

, some proponents of

this

arguement

Correct your spelling

argument

might suggest that

competitive

Correct article usage

a competitive

show examples

environment

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

students

create a clear benchmark to measure their progress and identify areas for improvement.

For example

students

might have some motivations to

archieve

Correct your spelling

achieve

their goals compared to their friends who get higher

socres

Correct your spelling

scores

As a result

students

might study harder to accomplish their educational

goal

Fix the agreement mistake

goals

show examples

actively. In my opinion, the importance of

competitive

Correct article usage

a competitive

show examples

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

is based on

children

's conditions and their goals.

Additionally

, schools and parents should strike a balance between positive and negative effects in

Add an article

an excessive

the excessive

show examples

excessive

Change the word

excessively

show examples

competitive

environment

to suit their

childrens's

Correct your spelling

children's

learing

Correct your spelling

learning

behaviours. I

frimly

Correct your spelling

firmly

agree with the idea that

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

are too competitive, in my viewpoint

shcool

Correct your spelling

school

should be a place for

students

to learn

happliy

Correct your spelling

happily

and build their social networking rather than creating

competitive

Add an article

a competitive

show examples

environment

Submitted by bhavifasai on Wed Jun 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one point to the next. Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas to guide the reader more effectively.

task achievement

For a higher task response score, focus on providing more specific examples and concrete evidence to support your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and well-rounded.

task achievement

To further develop the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, aim to elaborate on each main point. Provide deeper analysis and explore different facets of the argument to show a thorough understanding of the topic.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the topic, showing an understanding of the arguments on each side.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively set the stage for the discussion and wrap up the essay respectively.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good attempt to cover various aspects of the topic, including the implications on children's health, motivation, and future goals.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

365 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

What to do next:

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Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

The best for the government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport per day, 7 day a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.