At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large amount numbers of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situatuion outweigh the disadvantages?
Curently
, the Correct your spelling
Currently
numbers
of younger
generation are dominant in several countries compared to the older one. I do think the situation is detrimental for those countries with Add an article
the younger
high
number of young adults and I will explain it Change the article
a high
the high
further
in the next following paragraphs.
Firstly
, the high numbers
of young Fix the agreement mistake
number
people
does not equal to
the increase Change preposition
apply
of
productivity in that Change preposition
in
country
. Many people
might think that this
large amount of young adults will become the workers that contribute to the economy of a country
. However
, that might not be true because with
the limited amount of job Add the comma(s)
, with
vacancy
, Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
this
high Correct determiner usage
these
numbers
will naturally create competition among these young people
. Companies would only hire individuals with more experiences
and willing to get paid in Fix the agreement mistake
experience
bare
minimum. Add an article
the bare
a bare
Furthermore
, this
will lead to massive unemployment in that country
and make these
younger generation become financially vulnerable.
Correct determiner usage
the
In addition
to that, the
young adults who are financially vulnerable will become a burden for the Correct article usage
apply
governments
itself. The Fix the agreement mistake
government
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
unemployment
in a Change preposition
of unemployment
country
mean
that the government must provide these Change the verb form
means
people
with large
amount of Add an article
a large
the large
subcidy
for basic necessities. Later, if Correct your spelling
subsidy
this
condition still prevail
, the economy of that Change the verb form
prevails
country
would colapse
because the public fund that Correct your spelling
collapse
supposed
to go to Add a missing verb
is supposed
development
program is already out.
In conclusion, The high Correct article usage
the development
numbers
of younger
generation have more downsides rather than Add an article
the younger
the
advantages because Correct article usage
apply
this
will create competition in job
market which can lead to massive unemployment and later will become Add an article
the job
a job
adversary
for Correct article usage
an adversary
development
of that Correct article usage
the development
country
.Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
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grammar
Ensure to maintain consistency in grammatical structures, especially when using plural forms. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
relevance
Include specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
balance
Try to incorporate a more balanced view by acknowledging potential advantages, even if you ultimately argue that the disadvantages outweigh them.
coherence
Improve transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
relevance
The main points are relevant to the topic and are logically organized.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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