IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Women and men are generally considered to have different strengths and weaknesses. It is right to not include males or females in certain tasks because of the sexes.
This
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 trend provides advantages and disadvantages which will be explained in the following paragraph. The differences between males and females are their different physical conditions which leads to different working performances.
While
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 women are more diligent , men are stronger.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Human, at Harvard University, 70% of U.S. jobs tend to separate genders in certain professions.
Moreover
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, the Unequal intelligence of each gender can be the measurement of what their occupations are.
On the other hand
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, certain skills are not limited to only genders
thus
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 those who have the necessary abilities with profession should not be separated from their suitable tasks because of sexes. To illustrate
this
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, a survey recently conducted by BBC revealed that one-third of American media companies willingly recruit employees regardless of their gender but regarding their skills.
Further
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, In construction companies, some tasks can be done faster by men than including with women
such
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 as using strength to handle a number of workloads.
To conclude
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, despite the difference in conditions between sexes, the ability to do their jobs is not regard of gender but excluding males or females from certain professions can not only positively affect companies to have more working performance
as well as
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 efficiency, but
also
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 has a negative effect by leading to time loss and waste of human resources

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task achievement
Provide a clearer stance on the main question early in the essay. While you've discussed both sides, it's beneficial to express your opinion or conclude more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Work on the organization of ideas, ensuring smooth flow from one paragraph to another. Transitions between ideas can be improved for a more cohesive argument.
task achievement
Expand on key points to ensure they are explained fully. Some ideas are introduced but not thoroughly developed.
coherence cohesion
Improve topic sentences to clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, such as referencing studies and surveys.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion are present, giving your essay a clear beginning and end structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
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