In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, public debate has been going on over whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanisation is a good or a bad change. I tend to believe that the declining number of
people
in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
development for the following reasons. There are two main factors
support
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that support
show examples
the idea of
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
development of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
losing their society. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that the smaller
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
in one place, the smaller
economic
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the economic
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improvement they can achieve. The financial stability in one
city
depends on how many
people
that
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apply
show examples
can grow the market.
For instance
, if some
city
only has minor
society
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societies
show examples
, so there will be a few shopping
centre
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centres
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and
factory
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factories
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that can produce money
to
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for
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government
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the government
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.
Besides
that, a large movement into
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
will make the
remain
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remaining
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place
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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a
lot
of young
people
that very useful for the improvement of the place.
A young
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Young
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people
will have a
lot
of
idea
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ideas
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, a good
strength
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strengths
show examples
, and can adapt
with
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to
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some technologies in
this
era,
for
example
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example,
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an old man
is
Verb problem
does
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not often
used
Wrong verb form
use
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the internet and smartphone, so he will not get information instantly
that
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which
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will cause a delay
information
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in information
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that
be
Change the verb form
is
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useful for the
countryside
. I admit that the distribution of some
people
to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
has a positive side
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for the young
people
who need to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work. We all
known
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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in some downtown is really hard to find
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
job
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
. Despite that, we all
known
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
that too that in
this
era many
people
can work in any area or you can call it “Work From Home” that
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not push you to go from your home. In conclusion, I would argue that urbanisation has a
lot
of negative sides to the left
countryside
.
Accordingly
, it would be generally advisable for the government to serve a
lot
of
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
that
people
in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
need, so they do not have to go into
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
anymore.
Submitted by yoke.meiliadewayanti on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically into the next. Use connectors and linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, expand on your ideas and provide more detailed examples to support your points. Make sure your arguments are comprehensive and well-explained.
task achievement
Your main ideas need to be clearer. Focus on structuring each paragraph around a single central idea and develop it thoroughly instead of touching on multiple points vaguely.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in structuring the essay.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the task by discussing both positive and negative sides of urbanisation.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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