The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. In an effort to deal with a health issue involved, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduced more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The sheer cost of health issues
due to
obesity has been becoming a widely-concern matter for nations stifling economic growth. This
, according to
some individuals, could be addressed by the allocation of more school times
to physical Fix the agreement mistake
time
activities
. It seems to me that this
might be the solution, and I will explain why in this
essay.
Firstly
, the merits of physically active pupils could be significant in the long run. By this
, we mean that taking
more sports courses Change preposition
by taking
by
youngsters can gradually improve not only their body shapes but Change preposition
apply
also
their minds as it is frequently said that a healthy body equals a healthy mind. This
could contribute to their triumph in their studies thus
better appearance and position in the future. A good case in point is an experiment being done over 10 years in France where extra sports hours have been implemented in some educational institutions. The results demonstrate that the young ones studying in these places are healthier and more successful than their peers. A second factor is children's impact on their parents. It is undeniable that adults having sporty kids have more tendency to accompany their beloved
ones. Correct your spelling
loved
This
leads them to more outdoor activities
thus
fitter
body. Correct article usage
a fitter
This
would bring about a healthier society causing less pressure on health
system.
Admittedly, I agree with those who argue that the dedication of more teaching Add an article
the health
times
to sports Fix the agreement mistake
time
activities
could stray students from their major path which is learning important lessons such
as mathematics and literature. However
, this
could be tackled by taking suitable measures meaning that principles should allocate after class hours to physical activities
with promising rewards in order to encourage youngsters to participate.
To summarize, this
is not to say that the introduction of more physical activities
in schools is the only way to solve overweighting consequences. But it seems reasonable to prevent such
issues from early
Correct article usage
an early
ages
. Fix the agreement mistake
age
However
, proper practices should be adopted to prevent possible adverse effects on pupils' educations.Submitted by h.safaralizade on
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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are fully developed with clear examples and explanations. This will provide more depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar for smoother and clearer communication of ideas. Some sentences were awkwardly phrased and can be improved for better coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the case study in France, to support your points. This strengthens your arguments and shows a good understanding of the topic.