Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

From the dawn of civilization, Punishing a criminal person has been a matter of debate. In
this
respect, some experts argue that fixed
punshiment
Correct your spelling
punishment
should be used
to
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for
show examples
every
crimes
Change to a singular noun
crime
show examples
,
while
others believe that every case has its own case and there will be a different motivation or
comitment
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commitment
for it. I am in favour of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
argument. On the one hand, when a society
admit
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admits
show examples
a fixed punishment for criminals, it would lead to lesser discrimination against
indiviuals
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individuals
and developing
to
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apply
show examples
a firmer legal system.
That
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mean
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means
show examples
,
for
Correct word choice
that for
show examples
violenece
Correct your spelling
violence
intentional acts
such
as murder and brutality or all sorts of sexual abuses and robbery government authority
decide
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decides
show examples
based on a firm regulatory approach.
For example
, in a case of murder, if various
trial
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trials
show examples
admit totally differently, it will lead to discrimination and chaos in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
, in
this
situation criminal’s lawyer
advocate
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advocates
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
judgment by
a kindness trials
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a kindness trial
kindness trials
show examples
.
On the other hand
, if a person acts against the law there should be some coincidence.
In other words
, some unhidden problems, which could
be arisen
Wrong verb form
arise
show examples
from its society or a
familly
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family
may affect the criminal.
For instance
, poor families across slum areas
due to
lack of well-paid job opportunities or education may do unintentional criminal acts
such
broglery
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as broglery
show examples
and robbery.
Consequently
, firm
decesions
Correct your spelling
decisions
decision
may lead to
distrupt
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disrupt
the whole future life of these groups,
whereas
,
rehabilation
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rehabilitation
centers
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centres
show examples
would
impactfuly
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impactful
impactfully
change their
charecterstics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
and fill these gaps.
Therefore
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
legal systems and
jurry
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jury
firm
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firms
show examples
should investigate
throughly
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thoroughly
to search for
a markers
Correct the article-noun agreement
markers
a marker
show examples
that influenced
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these groups.
Moreover
, by these
kindes
Correct your spelling
kinds
show examples
of
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
survey
Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
show examples
, the future of affected persons may be
gurrentided
Correct your spelling
guarantied
.
To conclude
, in order to charge a victim there are two
kindes
Correct your spelling
kinds
show examples
of
punshiments
Correct your spelling
punishments
punishment
, which I firmly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
punshiment
Correct your spelling
punishment
should be
differenet
Correct your spelling
different
for various victims.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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task achievement
While the introduction is engaging, it contains some small inaccuracies. You should aim for a more refined opening sentence. For example: "From the dawn of civilization, the debate over how to punish criminals has been ongoing."
coherence cohesion
Try to use consistent and clear transitional phrases to improve flow between ideas. For instance, phrases like 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand' are good, but make sure they lead to clearly expressed contrasting points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and words. For instance, 'punishment should be different for various victims' is repetitive. A more concise and varied choice of words would enhance the quality of writing.
task achievement
The essay contains a clear introduction and provides arguments on both sides of the issue, making it balanced.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples have been provided to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes the writer's opinion, adding coherence to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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