Some people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for top athletes. Other people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for everybody. Discuss both views

There has been a fierce debate in the community
whether
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about whether
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the national budget should be allocated to advance
sports
amenities for elite sportsmen or for the ordinary.
This
essay aims to evaluate
both
assertions before concluding that
such
enhanced
sports
facilities
would be better equipped for
both
groups rather than prioritizing any specific figure. On the one hand,
athletes
in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
class receive
sports
facilities
from
government
assistance, thereby emerging various merits. In fact, most renowned
athletes
represent a particular nation to compete with rivals from other regions in several international
sports
games.
Therefore
, investing
top-notch
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in top-notch
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sports
infrastructures is conducive to
maximize
Wrong verb form
maximising
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the quality of training environments for sportsmen, spurring prestigious victories which not only boost reputation
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
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apply
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but
also
their whole country. A prime example is Anh Vien, a prominent Vietnamese swimmer,
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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to win many medals in global contests,
thus
enhancing Vietnam’s international status in the arena and captivating tourists and
sports
fanatics to travel to Vietnam, which triggers
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rapid economic growth.
Conversely
, enhancing
sports
amenities should be supplied by
government
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
for ordinary citizens. It is explicit that not only do
athletes
necessitate these supports, but the ordinary as well. Owing to the fact that if ordinary people do not do
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
, a medical burden on society will appear
due to
health diseases like obesity. By facilitating better-equipped public
sports
facilities
, the authorities could stimulate the number of residents engaging in physical activities,
thus
replacing an increasingly prevalent sedentary lifestyle
by
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with
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an active one resulting in
a
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apply
show examples
physical well-being among the community.
Hence
, the
government
should strike a balance between professional players and ordinary people to foster a sense of equality in
both
groups. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly believe that it would be better if the national supply
for
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of
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
amenities
divides
Wrong verb form
were divided
show examples
into
both
groups encompassing top
athletes
and the ordinary. In view of the values which those players bring about and the importance of citizens’ health, the balance in financial support of the
government
for
sports
facilities
plays a crucial role.
Submitted by reemaljuaidi8 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating a bit more on your examples and explanations to deepen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There are a few awkward phrasings and grammatical errors that can interrupt the flow. Reviewing your essay for grammar and syntax refinement can enhance clarity.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines both sides of the debate and sets up the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with clear paragraphs addressing each point of view.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which adds strength to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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