IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for top athletes. Other people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for everybody. Discuss both views

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There has been a fierce debate in the community
whether
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about whether
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 the national budget should be allocated to advance
sports
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 amenities for elite sportsmen or for the ordinary.
This
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 essay aims to evaluate
both
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 assertions before concluding that
such
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 enhanced
sports
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facilities
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 would be better equipped for
both
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 groups rather than prioritizing any specific figure. On the one hand,
athletes
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 in
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 class receive
sports
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facilities
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 from
government
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 assistance, thereby emerging various merits. In fact, most renowned
athletes
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 represent a particular nation to compete with rivals from other regions in several international
sports
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 games.
Therefore
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, investing
top-notch
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in top-notch
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sports
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 infrastructures is conducive to
maximize
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maximising
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 the quality of training environments for sportsmen, spurring prestigious victories which not only boost reputation
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 their whole country. A prime example is Anh Vien, a prominent Vietnamese swimmer,
used
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who used
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 to win many medals in global contests,
thus
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 enhancing Vietnam’s international status in the arena and captivating tourists and
sports
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 fanatics to travel to Vietnam, which triggers
a
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apply
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rapid economic growth.
Conversely
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, enhancing
sports
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 amenities should be supplied by
government
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subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
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 for ordinary citizens. It is explicit that not only do
athletes
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 necessitate these supports, but the ordinary as well. Owing to the fact that if ordinary people do not do
exercises
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exercise
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, a medical burden on society will appear
due to
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 health diseases like obesity. By facilitating better-equipped public
sports
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facilities
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, the authorities could stimulate the number of residents engaging in physical activities,
thus
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 replacing an increasingly prevalent sedentary lifestyle
by
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with
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 an active one resulting in
a
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apply
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physical well-being among the community.
Hence
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, the
government
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 should strike a balance between professional players and ordinary people to foster a sense of equality in
both
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 groups. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly believe that it would be better if the national supply
for
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of
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 amenities
divides
Wrong verb form
were divided
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 into
both
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 groups encompassing top
athletes
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 and the ordinary. In view of the values which those players bring about and the importance of citizens’ health, the balance in financial support of the
government
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 for
sports
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facilities
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 plays a crucial role.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating a bit more on your examples and explanations to deepen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There are a few awkward phrasings and grammatical errors that can interrupt the flow. Reviewing your essay for grammar and syntax refinement can enhance clarity.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines both sides of the debate and sets up the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with clear paragraphs addressing each point of view.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which adds strength to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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