IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for top athletes. Other people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for everybody. Discuss both views

#people #government #money #sport #facilities #athletes #everybody
Nowadays, gyms are becoming an essential thing to contain a quality
life style
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lifestyle
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. So, some people think that the country must put a huge budget for public gyms,
while
 others believe that the money should only be for
professional's
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professional
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 gyms. On the one hand, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government dollars to improve the top players would be a great investment for the whole country and its people.
For example
, building a supportive working out area for only experienced bodybuilders is going to encourage them to improve and participate in global
competations
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competitions
competition
 which will play an important part
to
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in
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 the
country’s
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country
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 and Make those athletes appear as
a role models
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a role model
role models
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 for the whole citizens.
On the other hand
, the public
need
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needs
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 a good facility to exercise in and have a chance to take care of their bodies in a good place. To illustrate, they have a busy daily routine where they spend most of their time sitting down on their desktops, With
that long hours
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that long hour
those long hours
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 of
Add an article
the unactive
an unactive
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unactive
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inactive
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 situation they must have a
well-structered
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well-structured
exercising
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exercise
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area
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are
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 provided
from
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by
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 the government.
Additionally
, they face a huge amount of
strugles
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struggles
 each day
especially
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, especially
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 with the fast-paced working life we are
that
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apply
show examples
in today. They need a way to control
the
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their
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 stress and
anxiaty
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anxiety
.
For instance
, if the employee had a long and
stressed
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stressful
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 day in his job and didn’t have the chance to free that stress he won’t work
good
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well
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 the next day and that will lead to lower his productivity and mental health. That proves clearly that a person will
product
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produce
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 more when he or she has a healthy lifestyle that the country can help with.
To sum up
, after a careful analysis of both perspectives. I believe that the
governent
Correct your spelling
government
 should
firstly
 provide
a good places
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a good place
good places
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 to help everyone to work out. and
then
 take care
to
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of
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 the high-level players. Since the public
need
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needs
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 more
phyisical improvments
Correct your spelling
physical improvements
 than anybody else.
Submitted by sarah.a.aljuaid on

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coherence cohesion
Revise grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for greater clarity.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively with relevant examples and elaborate explanations.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Be consistent with the tense and improve the usage of transitional phrases for a smoother flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives on whether the government should spend money on sports facilities for top athletes or for everybody.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide reasons and examples to support their points, contributing to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding the reader in understanding the writer’s stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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