IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Financial funding is a way for how developed
countries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as The US and The UK to help underdeveloped
nations
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some people suggest that rich
nations
Use synonyms
 should come up with other measures to solve
poverty
Use synonyms
. I definitely agree with the statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it's understandable that the
economy
Use synonyms
 is the most important pillar for
countries
Use synonyms
 and helping the poor by giving financial
aid
Use synonyms
 will be beneficial.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
nations
Use synonyms
 must have strong financial fundamentals to meet the needs of society and financial
aid
Use synonyms
 will help the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the poorer
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, The United Kingdom offered some money to the Republic of Somalia in the late 19's. The purpose was to help the
economy
Use synonyms
 in Somalia which was experiencing setbacks with high inflation and creating
poverty
Use synonyms
. Correspondingly. it was proven that in less than 5 years, the
economy
Use synonyms
 of Somalia witnessed better than ever. Financial
aid
Use synonyms
 is considered the most important measure to help poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 to rise from
poverty
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people suggest that rich
nations
Use synonyms
 should come up with other measures of
aid
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as medical intervention and education to develop human resources in the poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 rather than financial funds.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the level of human resources in terms of health and education in poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 should be improved with support from developed
countries
Use synonyms
 in order to rise from
poverty
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Australia offers a scholarship, namely the Australia Award Scholarship, which allows students from any citizenship around the world to study at some well-known universities in Australia. It is an example of how a rich country provides educational support to other
countries
Use synonyms
, especially to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underdeveloped
nations
Use synonyms
. I agree that money given to poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 is not the only way to solve
poverty
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 financial
fundamentasl
Correct your spelling
fundamentals
 are important, it is evidence that lower economic condition is not the only problem faced by underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, developing human resources must be considered as the major factor to rise from the
poverty
Use synonyms
 of poorer
nations
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 funds from developed
countries
Use synonyms
 have played a vital role in development.
However
Linking Words
, another form of help in terms of education and medical intervention has benefited the country a long way.
Submitted by muhammad.alfarasyi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the main points in your argument. At times, your essay veers off-topic slightly. Stay focused on whether financial aid alone can solve poverty or if other measures are necessary.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical errors and punctuation issues, which slightly impact the clarity. Proofreading your essay before submission can help. For instance, 'Correspondingly. it was proven...' should be 'Correspondingly, it was proven...'.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, which is good. The reader understands your position from the outset.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, such as aid from the UK to Somalia and Australia's scholarship program.
coherence cohesion
There is an evident introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
coherence cohesion
The points flow logically for the most part, making it easy to follow the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: