Many people believe that Art and Music should be dropped from school curriculums in favour of more practical subjects, such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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this

Linking Words

recently

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recent

show examples

years, educational curriculums

has

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have

show examples

become a heated topic among citizens. Some people believe that

shcools

Correct your spelling

schools

should prioritize more practical

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as Information Technology rather than non-academic streams,

such

Linking Words

Art

Use synonyms

and

Music

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion supporting

shcools

Correct your spelling

schools

to remain

Art

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and

Music

Use synonyms

in their programs.

Art

Use synonyms

and

Music

Use synonyms

help children improve their creativity.

For example

Linking Words

, a

student

Use synonyms

might use their imagination to draw a picture and compose

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

Use synonyms

lyrics which help them explore their feeling and express it through their work, and

also

Linking Words

improve their creativity.

As a result

Linking Words

, some students might discover their talents in

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

areas and pursue their dreams

to become

Change preposition

of becoming

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artist

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artists

show examples

Additionally

Linking Words

, children could reduce their stress from academic studies by learning

art

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and

music

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

kind of

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subjects

Fix the agreement mistake

subject

show examples

allows students to express their

feeling

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feelings

show examples

without any concern about their grades, making them feel relaxed and happy.

Cosequently

Correct your spelling

Consequently

, learning

art

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and

music

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might improve

Use synonyms

student's

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students'

show examples

mental health and reduce some stress from their studies.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some people argue that schools should focus on more practical curriculums,

such

Linking Words

as information technology, to prepare

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student's readiness

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students

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for their future

career

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careers

show examples

. When some

individuls

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individuals

desire to be a computer

engineering

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engineer

show examples

, there is no need to study non-academic

subjects

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such

Linking Words

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

but they might have to focus on their

career relevant

Add a hyphen

career-relevant

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as computer programming, coding or digital technology.

This

Linking Words

might help them pursue their goal and align with a job market demand. Ultimately, learning practical

subjects

Use synonyms

might increase employability after graduation.

For example

Linking Words

, many companies require their

cadidate's

Correct your spelling

candidate's

qualifications with information

techological

Correct your spelling

technological

skills

such

Linking Words

as digitalization,

infographic

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infographics

show examples

and data analysis, which are important in

this

Linking Words

digital society.

As a result

Linking Words

, a candidate with

this

Linking Words

kind of skills might attract their employers more easily than those without

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

abilities. In conclusion, I

frimly

Correct your spelling

firmly

agree with the idea that educational curriculum should balance their syllabi between academic and non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

to improve their

student

Use synonyms

's work

achievment

Correct your spelling

achievement

and mental health. It is crucial for

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

to provide both

sujects

Correct your spelling

subjects

to enhance

student

Use synonyms

's well-being and skills for their accomplishment.

bhavifasaiThu Jun 20 2024

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Grammar/Spelling

Improve grammar and spelling to make the essay easier to read. For instance, 'recently years' should be 'recent years, and 'shcools' should be 'schools' throughout the essay.

Content

Avoid repetition of ideas, such as repeatedly mentioning that art and music help reduce stress and improve mental health. Make sure each paragraph offers a distinct point.

Examples/Evidence

Add more real-world examples or studies to support your argument, making the essay more compelling.

Structure

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, summarizing your main points effectively.

Content Balance

You provide balanced views on both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence

The essay has a logical flow and includes transitions between ideas, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

358 words

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Many people believe that Art and Music should be dropped from school curriculums in favour of more practical subjects, such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?