Many people believe that Art and Music should be dropped from school curriculums in favour of more practical subjects, such as Information Technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
recently
years, educational curriculums Change the word
recent
has
become a heated topic among citizens. Some people believe that Change the verb form
have
shcools
should prioritize more practical Correct your spelling
schools
subjects
, such
as Information Technology rather than non-academic streams, such
as Art
and Music
. In this
essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion supporting shcools
to remain Correct your spelling
schools
Art
and Music
in their programs.
Art
and Music
help children improve their creativity. For example
, a student
might use their imagination to draw a picture and compose a
Correct article usage
apply
music
lyrics which help them explore their feeling and express it through their work, and also
improve their creativity. As a result
, some students might discover their talents in this
areas and pursue their dreams Correct determiner usage
these
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
an
Correct article usage
apply
artist
. Fix the agreement mistake
artists
Additionally
, children could reduce their stress from academic studies by learning art
and music
. This
kind of subjects
allows students to express their Fix the agreement mistake
subject
feeling
without any concern about their grades, making them feel relaxed and happy. Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
Cosequently
, learning Correct your spelling
Consequently
art
and music
might improve student's
mental health and reduce some stress from their studies.
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
On the other hand
, some people argue that schools should focus on more practical curriculums, such
as information technology, to prepare student's readiness
for their future Change noun form
students
career
. When some Fix the agreement mistake
careers
individuls
desire to be a computer Correct your spelling
individuals
engineering
, there is no need to study non-academic Replace the word
engineer
subjects
such
as art
and music
but they might have to focus on their career relevant
Add a hyphen
career-relevant
subjects
such
as computer programming, coding or digital technology. This
might help them pursue their goal and align with a job market demand. Ultimately, learning practical subjects
might increase employability after graduation. For example
, many companies require their cadidate's
qualifications with information Correct your spelling
candidate's
techological
skills Correct your spelling
technological
such
as digitalization, infographic
and data analysis, which are important in Fix the agreement mistake
infographics
this
digital society. As a result
, a candidate with this
kind of skills might attract their employers more easily than those without this
abilities.
In conclusion, I Correct determiner usage
these
frimly
agree with the idea that educational curriculum should balance their syllabi between academic and non-academic Correct your spelling
firmly
subjects
to improve their student
's work achievment
and mental health. It is crucial for Correct your spelling
achievement
school
to provide both Fix the agreement mistake
schools
sujects
to enhance Correct your spelling
subjects
student
's well-being and skills for their accomplishment.Submitted by bhavifasai on
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Grammar/Spelling
Improve grammar and spelling to make the essay easier to read. For instance, 'recently years' should be 'recent years, and 'shcools' should be 'schools' throughout the essay.
Content
Avoid repetition of ideas, such as repeatedly mentioning that art and music help reduce stress and improve mental health. Make sure each paragraph offers a distinct point.
Examples/Evidence
Add more real-world examples or studies to support your argument, making the essay more compelling.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, summarizing your main points effectively.
Content Balance
You provide balanced views on both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence
The essay has a logical flow and includes transitions between ideas, making it easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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