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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students of different age groups who studied in Australia for full-time and part-time training in 2006.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students of different age groups who studied in Australia for full-time and part-time training in 2006.
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The bar chart compares the proportion of male and female students of numerous
ages
Use synonyms
 who studied in Australia for full-time and part-time training in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, The highest percentages of males and females were in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 at
ages
Use synonyms
 20-24. The males between the
ages
Use synonyms
 15 to 19 studied part-time learning more , at 12% than full-time
education
Use synonyms
 , at 8%. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 rates of part-time training were between
ages
Use synonyms
 20-24 at 40% and full-time learning was 12%.
While
Linking Words
 the percentages of part-time
education
Use synonyms
 were the same with 8% between
ages
Use synonyms
 25-29 and 30+, the proportion of full-time was 6% and 10% respectively. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females among 15-19 years in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was 17% and full-time learning was 7%. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 rates of part-time studying were between
ages
Use synonyms
 20-24 at 42% and full-time was about 13%. The proportion of females between
ages
Use synonyms
 25-29 was the same , at 8%.
While
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was, at 6%, the full-time was twice as much in
ages
Use synonyms
 30+.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ages, education, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • age groups
  • full-time training
  • part-time training
  • participation rates
  • educational goals
  • career goals
  • socio-economic factors
  • trend analysis
  • comparison
  • male students
  • female students
  • percentage
  • Australia
  • 2006
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