Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Most

community

Change to a plural noun

communities

show examples

prefer to spend their free

time

Use synonyms

, watching

Use synonyms

shows or movies.

This

Linking Words

behaviour is generating a change in society, making it lazier and more unsocial.

This

Linking Words

essay agrees with the statement provided above.

People

Use synonyms

try to be happy, and in order to increase that feeling we need to generate a hormone called “Dopamine”, which is generated by practising sports, enjoying natural environments or watching

Use synonyms

. Most of society would choose to watch

Use synonyms

rather than other options as it is easier and the outcome can be felt instantly.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, the demand for

Use synonyms

shows has been increasing over the

last

Linking Words

decades. On top of that,

people

Use synonyms

get lost in their

Use synonyms

shows, losing

time

Use synonyms

notion, resulting in a significant drop in social relationships.

To begin

Linking Words

with, ¿Why are

Use synonyms

shows becoming more and more popular? As we mentioned before,

people

Use synonyms

need to feel happy,

this

Linking Words

feeling can be achieved by releasing a hormone called “Dopamine”. Our body can generate “Dopamine” as a response to many activities,

however

Linking Words

, one of the easier ones

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is watching

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

are replacing crucial

exercise

Fix the agreement mistake

exercises

show examples

such

Linking Words

as going to the gym, hiking and trekking, by watching

Use synonyms

in order to obtain the same feelings as before, but in an easier way.

For instance

Linking Words

, in the U.S., during the

last

Linking Words

decades, we have been noticing a drop in gym memberships and assistance, and at the same

time

Use synonyms

, we have been seeing a rise in streaming and

Use synonyms

platform subscriptions.

On the other hand

Linking Words

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

get lost in their

Use synonyms

shows, and most of them cannot even notice the passing of

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

conclusion, we have

people

Use synonyms

becoming addicted and preferring to spend their nights at home watching movies

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

actually interacting with other society.

For example

Linking Words

, in my personal case, when I was younger I was always trying to make plans and activities during the weekend,

however

Linking Words

now, I am waiting for the weekend to see my favourite

Use synonyms

show, and

as a consequence

Linking Words

, my interaction with other human beings has decreased.

To conclude

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay agrees with the statement expressed above, as

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

prefer to get “Dopamine” by watching

Use synonyms

shows and movies over practising other activities, and, since

Use synonyms

shows have been becoming more popular, social interaction dropped significantly.

Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on Thu Jun 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To earn a higher score in task response, make sure that your examples are broader and tied directly to your arguments. Currently, examples such as the one about your personal experience are too specific and may not fully support your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

Improve coherence by tightening the connection between your arguments and examples. Transitions are generally fluid, but some paragraphs need stronger introductory sentences to guide the reader through the structure of your response.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear thesis statement summarizing your position.

logical structure

You have a logical structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is mostly clear.

relevant specific examples

You have used specific examples to support your arguments. The examples are mostly relevant but could be tied more closely to your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

383 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at tl1e place. Why do you think this is happening? Is it a positive or a negative trend?
Nowadays, when visiting a famous place, people tend to take photos of themselves instead of exploring the views and the place itself. In my opinion, this situation is because of social media and showing off. I am also convinced that, in most cases, this is a negative trend.
6
band
You have been working as a Manager in a private company for the last two years with no salary raise. Write a letter to your manager to request a pay equity in your salary as compared to other managers in your department. In your letter, explain why you are writing why you think you deserve a salary raise say what you want your manager to do for you
I hope this letter finds you well. My name is Teo Knockout, and I am writing to formally request you a pay equity in my salary as compared to other managers in our department.
8
band
Students should pay their full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent you agree or disagree?
In this day and age, some agree with the idea that students have a responsibility for the full cost of their own study at university to comprehend themselves. From my perspective, the investment in the study path has significant effects on their examination path and the community.
5.5
band
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory establishment? Explain your position.
A corporate has announced their proposal to construct a new factory in our home town. Some suggest it will provide benefits by supplying job opportunities while others argue that it will contaminate locals by producing harmful substances. From my point of view, I support the construction of the new factory.
6
band
In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantagse?
Some people debate whether it is crucial to finance space innovations or not. Some persist that there are other spheres that should be sponsored. I disagree with this statement.

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at tl1e place. Why do you think this is happening? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

Students should pay their full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent you agree or disagree?

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory establishment? Explain your position.

In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantagse?