Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?
Most
community
prefer to spend their free Change to a plural noun
communities
time
, watching TV
shows or movies. This
behaviour is generating a change in society, making it lazier and more unsocial. This
essay agrees with the statement provided above. People
try to be happy, and in order to increase that feeling we need to generate a hormone called “Dopamine”, which is generated by practising sports, enjoying natural environments or watching TV
. Most of society would choose to watch TV
rather than other options as it is easier and the outcome can be felt instantly. As a consequence
, the demand for TV
shows has been increasing over the last
decades. On top of that, people
get lost in their TV
shows, losing time
notion, resulting in a significant drop in social relationships.
To begin
with, ¿Why are TV
shows becoming more and more popular? As we mentioned before, people
need to feel happy, this
feeling can be achieved by releasing a hormone called “Dopamine”. Our body can generate “Dopamine” as a response to many activities, however
, one of the easier ones,
is watching Remove the comma
apply
TV
. As a result
, people
are replacing crucial exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
such
as going to the gym, hiking and trekking, by watching TV
in order to obtain the same feelings as before, but in an easier way. For instance
, in the U.S., during the last
decades, we have been noticing a drop in gym memberships and assistance, and at the same time
, we have been seeing a rise in streaming and TV
platform subscriptions.
On the other hand
, community
get lost in their Correct article usage
the community
TV
shows, and most of them cannot even notice the passing of time
. As
Change preposition
In
a
conclusion, we have Correct article usage
apply
people
becoming addicted and preferring to spend their nights at home watching movies than
actually interacting with other society. Rephrase
rather than
For example
, in my personal case, when I was younger I was always trying to make plans and activities during the weekend, however
now, I am waiting for the weekend to see my favourite TV
show, and as a consequence
, my interaction with other human beings has decreased.
To conclude
, this
essay agrees with the statement expressed above, as population
prefer to get “Dopamine” by watching Correct article usage
the population
TV
shows and movies over practising other activities, and, since TV
shows have been becoming more popular, social interaction dropped significantly.Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on
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task achievement
To earn a higher score in task response, make sure that your examples are broader and tied directly to your arguments. Currently, examples such as the one about your personal experience are too specific and may not fully support your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by tightening the connection between your arguments and examples. Transitions are generally fluid, but some paragraphs need stronger introductory sentences to guide the reader through the structure of your response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear thesis statement summarizing your position.
logical structure
You have a logical structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is mostly clear.
relevant specific examples
You have used specific examples to support your arguments. The examples are mostly relevant but could be tied more closely to your main points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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