In conclusion, sometimes encouragements from adults affect to children in a negative way, however there are several advatages in their high achievement and mental development.
In some areas, younger
genertaions
are often given Correct your spelling
generations
importance
of dedication to achieve what they want. In the writer’s opinion, Add an article
the importance
this
advice allows children to acheive
goals in their Correct your spelling
achieve
academics
. This
essay will discuss about
the two aspects Remove the preposition
apply
about
the Change preposition
of
encouragements
to Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
childrens
.
When it comes to, Correct your spelling
children
childrens
often are committed to Correct your spelling
children
academics
in their school by hearing advice from teachers and parents. As a result
, a lot of students are preoccupied with social pressures and academics
from numerous forcing
. Fix the agreement mistake
forces
This
is because these effects exert an extremely negative influence on children’s mental development. Moreover
, they assume that they have no time to away from academics
. Additionally
, those who are
study hard without rejuvenating time and working out, often lead to burnout.
Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, advising and supporting children in endeavors
to achieve their goals for the future can be of great help Change the spelling
endeavours
to
achieving high performance.
Change preposition
in
Therefore
, they can devote a significant amout
of time and effort to their academic goals, and Correct your spelling
amount
Correct pronoun usage
this lead
lead
to a positive influence on their results.
These days, plenty of students easily give up any hard tasks, but those who are often given cheering and encouragement from adults, have a positive mindset to tackle any challenging tasks during tough periods. Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
This
mindset plays a significant role in their life.
In addition
, students who are often supported from
teachers and parents, Change preposition
by
they
may feel confidence and endurance.
In conclusion, sometimes encouragements from adults affect children in a negative way, Correct pronoun usage
apply
however
, there are several advantages in
their high achievement and mental development.Change preposition
to
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Specific Examples
Your essay discusses both the positive and negative effects of encouragement from adults, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate each point. For instance, you could provide a specific scenario or story about a child experiencing mental pressure or achieving high performance due to encouragement.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Some ideas in your essay are not clearly and comprehensively expressed. For example, the paragraph about commitment to academics is somewhat unclear. Try to elaborate on your points more fully and provide clear transitions between ideas.
Grammar and Phrasing
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in your essay, such as 'importance of dedication' and 'these effects exert an extremely negative influence'. Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and easy to understand.
Logical Structure
Your essay's structure would benefit from greater coherence. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next and that your arguments are more logically organized. For example, consider starting with the general importance of encouragement, then discussing the negative effects before finally covering the positive aspects.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay. They set up the discussion and provide a succinct summary of your points.
Complete Response
You address the task requirements by discussing both positive and negative effects of adult encouragement, providing a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.