Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television

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There are many

people

believe

Correct pronoun usage

who believe

show examples

that joining to live

event

is more exciting than watching through

television

. In

this

essay's opinion, watching

event

Correct article usage

an event

show examples

by using

television

is more enjoyable than live one. It is easy to understand that,

convenince

Correct your spelling

convenience

is the essential reason for viewers to watch at home by using

television

. To

exlain

Correct your spelling

explain

, staying at home with

relaxing

Correct article usage

a relaxing

show examples

mind do not

worry

Wrong verb form

worrying

show examples

about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

serious

accident

Fix the agreement mistake

accidents

show examples

can make audiences more enjoyable.

Moreover

, if many

people

participate in the same occasion, there will

happen

Verb problem

show examples

a big accidental issue.

For example

, the Halloween

event

in Korea

experinced

Correct your spelling

experienced

a serious problem

due to

the appearance of numerous dwellers in

small

Add an article

a small

show examples

place and it

make

Verb problem

caused

show examples

many

people's

Change preposition

people to

show examples

dead

Replace the word

die

show examples

As a result

, watching

performance

Fix the agreement mistake

performances

show examples

television

is safer and more

experient

Correct word choice

convenient

show examples

for viewers to join in.

However

, others believe that it is more exciting when

watching

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

live

performance

Fix the agreement mistake

performances

show examples

than home watching.

this

is because live

performance

Fix the agreement mistake

performances

show examples

boost

Change the verb form

boosts

show examples

Correct article usage

the audiencess

show examples

audiencess

Correct your spelling

audience's

mood with

high quality

Add a hyphen

high-quality

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

music.

Besides

,live watching can

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

them

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

enjoyable feeling by meeting famous singers. It is a bullet point that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

the number of

people

easy to lose their life. To clarify, to meet

famouse

Correct your spelling

famous

people

, they have to pay more money and have to

rival

Verb problem

compete

show examples

with others

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

can cause some physical

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. In conclusion, despite the beneficial effect of live watching, viewing

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

through

Correct your spelling

show examples

is more enjoyable because of its convenience

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon May 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Overall, your essay has a clear structure, but coherence and cohesion need improvement. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother and better connected. Small inaccuracies and language issues impede the flow and understanding of your ideas.

task achievement

Your response addresses the task, but it could be expanded to fully cover both sides of the argument. Try to elaborate more on the points you make to provide a fuller and more comprehensive response.

task achievement

Your main points need more specific examples and evidence to back them up. More detailed examples can help illustrate your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good practice for this type of essay.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion while summarizing the main points of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

232 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

immersive experience
replicated
energy
atmosphere
sense of community
shared excitement
unforgettable
predictable
convenience
comfort
crowds
travel
multiple camera angles
close-ups
replays
enhancing

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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Describe how your primary school education looks like?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building the live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

Water scarcity is a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this? And what solutions can be done by individuals and the government?

Some believe that people today have no interests in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?