IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, girls and boys are educated in different schools rather than in the same school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #girls #boys #schools #school
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There are still some countries which educate children separately
according to
 their genders. I would discuss an advantage
Change preposition
of as
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as
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a
show examples
 comfortable learning environment, meanwhile, the disadvantage is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence in having affairs with
opposite
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the opposite
show examples
 gender. On the one hand, single-gender schools make it easier to stay comfortable and focused on schoolwork. The reason is that there
is
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are
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 not going to be boys who always bully innocent girls for their style of dressing, it is common in some schools. Single-sex education provides total freedom and relaxation, as females do not have to feel awkward or weird.
For example
,
according to
 the latest
research
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research,
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 76% of
teenagers
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teenage
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 girls
addmited
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admitted
 that they are struggling with
the
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apply
show examples
bullying from boys.
One
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On
show examples
 the other hand,
this
 has a drawback as they might feel the
deficite
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deficit
deficits
 of confidence when they want a relationship with
opposite
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the opposite
show examples
 gender. The best explanation for
this
 is when they attend special schools they will not have an experience
how
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of how
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 to communicate with other
gender
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genders
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 correctly.
For instance
,
according to
 the statistics, 73% of graduates who
attented
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attended
 educational places in Kazakhstan called which is called KTL( Kazakh Turkish Lyseum) where both genders are
tought
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taught
bought
 separately, have
Correct article usage
a tendancy
show examples
tendancy
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tendency
 to suffer from not being able to build a healthy
relationship
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relationships
show examples
 with their partners in adulthood. In conclusion, the main advantage is
convenient
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a convenient
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 learning area for both sexes, in the meantime,
disadvantage
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the disadvantage
a disadvantage
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 is
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the abcense
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abcense
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absence
 of self-esteem to create
future
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a future
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 happy family
bond
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bonds
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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clarity
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points of your essay more explicitly.
language use
Work on using more varied sentence structures to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
accuracy
Pay attention to some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Proofreading your essay can help minimize these issues.
task response
You present both an advantage and a disadvantage of single-gender education clearly.
supporting evidence
The inclusion of relevant examples and statistics strengthens your arguments and makes your points more persuasive.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which summarize the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • segregation
  • discrimination
  • gender-specific
  • distractions
  • focus
  • safe
  • comfortable
  • gender stereotypes
  • social interaction
  • interpersonal skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: