IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people have little to gain from the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Flights are not only beneficial to wealthy
people
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 but
also
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 to
common
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a common
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 group of
people
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 globally.
This
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 essay will discuss why
i
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I
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 disagree with the notion that
low
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low-class
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class
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 will not be affected by the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aeroplane
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aeroplanes
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.
Firstly
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, we have
movement
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a movement
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 of
people
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 from one state to the other
due to
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 increased demand for human labour.
This
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 means that even if one has no financial ability to purchase the
air
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 ticket, their sponsor can do it for them comfortably.
For example
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, over the
last
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 five years, there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been increased cases of migration of domestic workers from Kenya to the Gulf countries to work. Since
the
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apply
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air
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travelling
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travel
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 is the only means of
transport
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, their bosses buy
ticket
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tickets
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 for them
in
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on
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 various airways.
This
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 shows that one does not have to be rich in order to fly.
Secondly
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, the planes are used to
transport
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 cargo to different parts of the world. It does not matter about the
class
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 of the owner of the luggage provided it
reach
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reaches
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 the destination safely.
Furthermore
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, even
the
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apply
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businessmen use
the
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apply
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plane
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planes
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 to carry their ordered goods.
For instance
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, in Mozambique since 1950
an
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a
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 helicopter BNO5 has been used to carry goods from
UK
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the UK
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 for
selling
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sale
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. The traders join together and order phone accessories among others and it only takes 24 hours to be delivered.
This
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 illustrates the need for
air
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transport
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 for everyone not necessarily for the
high
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high-class
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class
Use synonyms
people
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. In conclusion, despite some
group
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groups
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 believing that
the
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apply
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air
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transport
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help
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helps
show examples
 the rich
people
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, I support that all
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 of
people
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 will benefit from its development since
its
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it's
it is
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 used for carrying
luggages
Change the wording
luggage
pieces of luggage
items of luggage
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 and workers in the whole world at large.

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general
Your essay addresses the prompt well and presents clear arguments supporting your position. However, some areas in clarity and coherence could be improved. Try to refine your language to avoid small grammatical inaccuracies and enhance readability.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar for better clarity. For example, 'Flights are not only beneficial to wealthy people but also to common group of people globally' could be refined to 'Flights benefit not only wealthy people but also ordinary individuals worldwide.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay. For instance, phrases like 'In addition to this', 'Moreover', or 'On the other hand' can be beneficial.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly states your position and summarizes your main points effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant specific examples that add weight to your arguments, such as the migration of domestic workers from Kenya to Gulf countries and the use of helicopters in Mozambique for business purposes.
supported main points
Main points are logically supported, and your arguments are coherent, making it easy for the reader to follow your thought process.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Affordable travel
  • Accessibility
  • Leisure travel
  • Business travel
  • Economic benefits
  • Job creation
  • Tourism
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Social ties
  • Natural disasters
  • Medical emergencies
  • Innovation
  • Competitive pricing
  • Airline industry
  • Enhanced local economies
  • Cultural understanding
  • Timely aid
  • Emergency response
  • Aviation sector
What to do next:
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