IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people have little to gain from the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #benefit #people #world #gain #development
Flights are not only beneficial to wealthy
people
 but
also
 to
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 group of
people
 globally.
This
 essay will discuss why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with the notion that
low
Add a hyphen
low-class
show examples
class
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 will not be affected by the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aeroplane
Fix the agreement mistake
aeroplanes
show examples
.
Firstly
, we have
movement
Correct article usage
a movement
show examples
 of
people
 from one state to the other
due to
 increased demand for human labour.
This
 means that even if one has no financial ability to purchase the
air
 ticket, their sponsor can do it for them comfortably.
For example
, over the
last
 five years, there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been increased cases of migration of domestic workers from Kenya to the Gulf countries to work. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
travelling
Replace the word
travel
show examples
 is the only means of
transport
, their bosses buy
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 for them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various airways.
This
 shows that one does not have to be rich in order to fly.
Secondly
, the planes are used to
transport
 cargo to different parts of the world. It does not matter about the
class
 of the owner of the luggage provided it
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
 the destination safely.
Furthermore
, even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businessmen use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
 to carry their ordered goods.
For instance
, in Mozambique since 1950
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 helicopter BNO5 has been used to carry goods from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 for
selling
Replace the word
sale
show examples
. The traders join together and order phone accessories among others and it only takes 24 hours to be delivered.
This
 illustrates the need for
air
transport
 for everyone not necessarily for the
high
Add a hyphen
high-class
show examples
class
people
. In conclusion, despite some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 believing that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
transport
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the rich
people
, I support that all
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 of
people
 will benefit from its development since
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 used for carrying
luggages
Change the wording
luggage
pieces of luggage
items of luggage
show examples
 and workers in the whole world at large.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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general
Your essay addresses the prompt well and presents clear arguments supporting your position. However, some areas in clarity and coherence could be improved. Try to refine your language to avoid small grammatical inaccuracies and enhance readability.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar for better clarity. For example, 'Flights are not only beneficial to wealthy people but also to common group of people globally' could be refined to 'Flights benefit not only wealthy people but also ordinary individuals worldwide.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay. For instance, phrases like 'In addition to this', 'Moreover', or 'On the other hand' can be beneficial.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly states your position and summarizes your main points effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant specific examples that add weight to your arguments, such as the migration of domestic workers from Kenya to Gulf countries and the use of helicopters in Mozambique for business purposes.
supported main points
Main points are logically supported, and your arguments are coherent, making it easy for the reader to follow your thought process.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Affordable travel
  • Accessibility
  • Leisure travel
  • Business travel
  • Economic benefits
  • Job creation
  • Tourism
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Social ties
  • Natural disasters
  • Medical emergencies
  • Innovation
  • Competitive pricing
  • Airline industry
  • Enhanced local economies
  • Cultural understanding
  • Timely aid
  • Emergency response
  • Aviation sector
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