IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many counties, women and man are working full-time. It is therefore logical for women and men to share household tasks. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Presently, females and males are working for long hours. In order that, many people think it is fairly to share home tasks together. I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion, as they can make a better relationship and have a better quality of
life
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.
To begin
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 with, a family should share their tasks to have a happier
life
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. It means that, with fewer responsibilities, they can be more relaxed. The reason for
that is
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 the less pressure of
life
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 put on them.
For example
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, if they have a child they can spend more time with her/him, as they have an open mind to make a pleasant relationship.
Thus
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, their children can trust them easily. Not only are their parents understanding, but
also
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 they are supportive.
Therefore
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, it is proven that, with a handful of tasks, they can be more energetic.
Moreover
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, people with more free time can have better performance in their workplaces. Meaning that they can develop their personality, which is really important for their individual
life
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.
For instance
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, if they have a problem in their mind, they will get therapy and deal with their difficulties.
As a result
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, they have a better chance to get a well-paid job in a well-organised company, which has a positive impact on their income, and they can make an enjoyable
life
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 for themselves.
For example
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, people with a high salary and more free time, have more opportunities to travel to make unforgettable memories. In conclusion, I believe sharing homework between men and women is completely logical
due to
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 the better level of
life
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 and stronger communication.

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your arguments by making sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. For instance, use more linking phrases and transition words.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and data where applicable to strengthen your argument. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that all your points clearly support your main argument. Some points, though relevant, could be better aligned with your thesis statement for a stronger response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in reinforcing your points and closing your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with examples, making your arguments more persuasive and easier to understand.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and relevant to the topic, showing a good grasp of the subject matter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • fairness
  • burden
  • workforce
  • traditional gender roles
  • fostering teamwork
  • mutual respect
  • balanced division
  • family well-being
  • mental health
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