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Band 1

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel that this will lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #business #contact #countries #development #loss #identities
People
 have two
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
 about increasing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
furthermore
Correct word choice
and furthermore
show examples
 cultural contact between
countries
. Numerous
people
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to them it is a positive development.
Nevertheless
, other
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of national identities.
People
 who support the opinion that increasing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
furthermore
 cultural contact between
countries
 is a positive development have a lot of reasons to think that way, for a clear example, it seems to them that it
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 more money
moreover
 the relationships between
countries
 get better.
On the other hand
, there are other
people
 who
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 that,
due to
 the fact that it could assist
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 loss the
national
Change preposition
of national
show examples
 identities.
Moreover
, it seems to them that
could
Correct pronoun usage
this could
show examples
 cause some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 between
countries
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, It seems to me that both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
 are completely correct ,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support
people
 who
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the business and contact between
countries
,
nevertheless
 it could cause
come
Verb problem
apply
show examples
issues.
Submitted by ryalhamdan on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
language
Review grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity and accuracy.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
Both perspectives are presented, which shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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