IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describe what the group does •explain why the group is good for the community •suggest alternative days and times for practice

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to elaborate
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the musical class, which was
plan
Wrong verb form
planned
show examples
 to
conduct
Wrong verb form
be conducted
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
next week
Tuesday
Change preposition
on Tuesday
show examples
 and Friday evening sections from 6.PM to 9.PM in your Gandhi
auditorium
Capitalize word
Auditorium
show examples
 hall, Mumbai.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
our
Change preposition
in our
show examples
 group there are 17 members (10 men and 7 women) all are good musicians in violone. Now we are
plan
Wrong verb form
planning
show examples
 to
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a practice for the participation of
music
Correct article usage
a music
show examples
 competition next month in Malaysia. So, we will organize and start to practice in your auditorium hall from next Tuesday onwards.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if we start to practice as a team
then
Linking Words
 only our confidence will grow to achieve the competition. Because the
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 will get more ideas and develop skills but that particular day and time, which was we proposed your management has not accepted
due to
Linking Words
 some other reasons. At
last
Linking Words
, as a manager of that
organization
Add a comma
organization,
show examples
 you know our current situation. So, kindly consider our proposal and allow us to use the auditorium during the days, which
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
we requested above and the rental payment, we are ready to pay
initially
Linking Words
. Best Regards Kishore

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be more specific about the group's activities and their impact on the community to make a stronger case for the importance of the practice sessions.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
task achievement
The letter clearly addresses the issue and requests a solution, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and suitable for a formal request, which is appropriate for this type of correspondence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: