IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describe what the group does •explain why the group is good for the community •suggest alternative days and times for practice

#part #group #musicians #tuesday #friday #evenings #practice #community #hall #manager #•describe #•explain #•suggest #alternative #times
Dear Sir, I am writing
this
 letter to elaborate
about
Change preposition
on
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 the musical class, which was
plan
Wrong verb form
planned
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 to
conduct
Wrong verb form
be conducted
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in
Change preposition
apply
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next week
Tuesday
Change preposition
on Tuesday
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 and Friday evening sections from 6.PM to 9.PM in your Gandhi
auditorium
Capitalize word
Auditorium
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 hall, Mumbai.
Firstly
,
our
Change preposition
in our
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 group there are 17 members (10 men and 7 women) all are good musicians in violone. Now we are
plan
Wrong verb form
planning
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 to
make
Verb problem
have
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 a practice for the participation of
music
Correct article usage
a music
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 competition next month in Malaysia. So, we will organize and start to practice in your auditorium hall from next Tuesday onwards.
Secondly
, if we start to practice as a team
then
 only our confidence will grow to achieve the competition. Because the
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 will get more ideas and develop skills but that particular day and time, which was we proposed your management has not accepted
due to
 some other reasons. At
last
, as a manager of that
organization
Add a comma
organization,
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 you know our current situation. So, kindly consider our proposal and allow us to use the auditorium during the days, which
was
Verb problem
apply
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we requested above and the rental payment, we are ready to pay
initially
. Best Regards Kishore
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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task achievement
Be more specific about the group's activities and their impact on the community to make a stronger case for the importance of the practice sessions.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
task achievement
The letter clearly addresses the issue and requests a solution, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and suitable for a formal request, which is appropriate for this type of correspondence.

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