Some parents believe children’s leisure activities should be always educational, but others think it will cause more pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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this

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tremendously competitive world, few parents in some communities opine that the child's rejuvenation

time

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should only be confined to the things which can be helpful in fostering their educational needs.

However

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, the opposers believe that his amendment will put a higher burden on a teenager's mind.

Moreover

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, in my opinion, I side my conviction in the affirmation of later ideology as

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think incorporating more things related to any form of education in a juvenile's leisure duration will cause an impediment in the

children

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's ability to completely enjoy that particular moment as

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prevalence will stress them out more. Embarking on the discussion, many advocates promote the idea of the incorporation of learning new educating resources in a youngster's free period as they believe that

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change will supplement their child's educational abilities

reverting

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resulting

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in improving their

overall

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performances in all other areas.

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, restricting the

children

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's free

time

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to only study-focused elements will encourage a habit of emphasizing the learning of new things in them bolstering their rate of success in their future professional lives as well.

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, parents in a country like China are more readily practising

this

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strategy to succour their kids' brains in the direction of profound understanding in any subject focusing on turning them superior compared to their peers.

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this

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proposed analogy is not accepted all around the world as many people believe that

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preposterous thought process will impose detrimental pressure on a child's mind as everyone will not be adaptive enough to accommodate themselves to

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arduous challenge.

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, encouragement towards promoting educational activities during a kid's leisure period will not only surge the level of burden on their developing brain but

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it will lead to an escalation in a sense of an appalling feeling in these kids' thinking processes when it comes to spending

time

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for their rejuvenation purpose.

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, a study conducted by some researchers depicted the results that

children

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are more appreciating fun and enjoying activities in their non-studying duration when compared with spending the same

time

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performing some new learning tasks in a repetitive manner. Having said that, many believers think that it is in the best interest of a juvenile to incorporate their non-studying span with educational items;

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, opposers from the other communities are against

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ideology as they emphasize a different belief system that

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will lead to the development of more stress on growing minds of the

children

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which in my opinion is certainly true as it will not only put a teenager in the feeling of consternation but

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will make them feel awful about expenditure of their rejuvenating

time

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after

such

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mundane task.

pabhi919Sat Feb 01 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Consider rephrasing some sentences to enhance clarity and conciseness. For example, the phrase 'the child's rejuvenation time should only be confined to the things which can be helpful in fostering their educational needs' could be simplified for better understanding.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to your argument. Sometimes, the main point could be lost within complex sentence structures.

Task Achievement

Include more specific examples to support your ideas. While you provided a general example regarding Chinese parents, additional examples from various cultures could strengthen your argument.

Task Achievement

Make sure that your conclusion clearly sums up your viewpoint. The last sentence feels a bit abrupt; consider emphasizing your stance more clearly to leave a lasting impression.

Task Achievement

The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively, which shows a clear understanding of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

The use of vocabulary is varied and demonstrates a good level of lexical resource.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

446 words

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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