IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that teachers should be able to ask distruptive children to leave the class. Do you think it is the best way to deal with distruptive children in the classroom? What other solutions are there?

#people #teachers #distruptive #children #class #classroom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays some teachers still believe that
distruptive
Correct your spelling
disruptive
children
 need to be removed
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their own classes.
This
 attitude from educational workers has both sides, advantages and disadvantages, but I believe that it is a bad way and the drawbacks outweigh the Benedicts.
Firstly
, the main disadvantage is the fact about the social and emotional skills. The most of time
Children
 do not process correctly why they have been leaving
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their classroom if they have under 5 years old, certainly can't understand what's is
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
, only will do what the teacher asks and could become
confuse
Change the verb form
confused
show examples
 and suffer from bullying about it,
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the end, it may do
children
 more nervous. There are some researchers that say how much
this
 attitude is poor for a child's learning,
this
 practice is forbidden to do in the same countries.
On the other hand
, it is important for young people to learn that their actions have consequences and in real life have a law called to action and reaction.
For instance
 if a child
injury
Replace the word
injures
show examples
 others he may receive a bit or punch. In conclusion,
although
 there is an advantage to knowing about action and reaction, In my opinion, questions about emotional feelings or social behaviours far outweigh whatever advantage and
this
 question about behaviour
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be analysed by specialists, not by teachers because teachers have specifics knowledge at specifics subjects and
instead
 of be helping
children
 with punish they may be creating more psychics problems in the future for society.
Submitted by lucianocamilot on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay would benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Develop your arguments fully and ensure each point supports your main argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Make sure your arguments flow seamlessly from one to another and that each paragraph transitions smoothly.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of removing disruptive children from the classroom, which shows an attempt at balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: