IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #students #college #university #fees #government #governments
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Education
 plays
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
show examples
 to improve
overall
 aspects
likewise
, social,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and educational of the nation.
Thus
 in many countries, their authorities have
take
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
 financial responsibility for
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
education
 of the
students
.
While
 in other nations, individuals have to pay their
fees
 for
further
 studies. In
this
 essay pros of paying
fees
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 outweigh the cons.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the most significant advantage is
students
 can pursue their
education
 without any financial barriers.
For instance
 ,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who belongs to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 poor family which cannot afford
fees
 for higher
study
. So
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
States
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
authority
Add a comma
authority,
show examples
 every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 can achieve their
education
 and
get
Verb problem
take
show examples
 a step towards their dreams.
Moreover
, it creates equality amongst
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
, in which everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 rites for
education
.
However
, nowadays educational institutes have become commercial trade. They are taking as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher
fees
 from the
students
as a result
,
students
 cannot survive with their financial abilities and it leads towards
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
show examples
 burden.
On the contrary
, people have become more vulnerable and less responsible for
education
 because they
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 it free of cost.
Therefore
,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
 cannot
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 appropriate efforts for their
study
 as
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate will be decreased
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 countries.
In addition
 to that
students
 can not learn efficiently and effectively.
Hence
 their
study
as well as
 knowledge
affect
Wrong verb form
were affected
show examples
 by multiple reasons and their academic score
fallen
Add the auxiliary verb
fell
show examples
 dramatically.
To conclude
although
students
 can achieve their dream
study
 and courses with the help of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 they become less responsible regarding their studies. So it affects their career and success.
Submitted by rohanshingala7781 on

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Grammar
Focus on grammar and punctuation. Some sentences are not clear due to incorrect grammar or punctuation errors. Revise and proofread your essay carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. While the main points are clear, ensuring a smoother transition between ideas will enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples and make them more specific and detailed. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents coherent arguments for both sides of the discussion, which shows a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Main points are clearly stated, highlighting the benefits and drawbacks of government-paid education.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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