Some people believe that part time job can ensure better job opportunities in future. Others think job can easily distract students from study. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is commonly acknowledged that the rate of getting a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
job
is decreasing in modern society. Some people assert that part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
job
provides better chances to
individuals in the future. Change preposition
for
Otherwise
, others believe that concerning about occupation cause several disadvatages
to students when they study in their academic year. Correct your spelling
disadvantages
This
essay will explore the
both aspects deeply before a conclusion is drawn.
First of all, the advocates who think Remove the article
apply
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
job
can protect their being employed period deem that doing their work
in
Change preposition
apply
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
can ensure their career consistantly
. In Correct your spelling
consistently
addtion
, filling a Correct your spelling
addition
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
vacancy is easy when they need their work
to live. Working for certain hours is more convenient than working all day. This
society
phenomenon makes individuals not Replace the word
societal
to
worry about their profession. Fix the infinitive
apply
Therefore
, they can pay attention to their own interest such
as academic development, entertainment and relationship
with friends. If they want to Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
work
somewhere, they can get a job
by being a part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
employee. They also
disagree with having Correct article usage
a full
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
job
, because it cause
Change the verb form
causes
borden
to their Correct your spelling
boredom
work
easily.
On the other hands
, the opponents Fix the agreement mistake
hand
who
believe having Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
a full
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
job
leads to them feel
comfortable. If they have secure Wrong verb form
feeling
job
without concern about being fired, they can focus Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
their
study and life well. They just need to have their daily routine and do well on their today's Change preposition
on their
work
. There is no annoying distraction such
as pressure to getting
Wrong verb form
get
job
or seeking their Add an article
a job
the job
work
.
In conclusion, I think on balance that getting a part
Correct your spelling
part-time
job
is much harder than having a own professional work
. Thinking about what to do for my future is essential
Add an article
an essential
part
in
my life, it Change preposition
of
also
spends
a lot of Verb problem
takes
time
. However
, looking for new
Correct article usage
a new
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
job
might spend much
Verb problem
take a long
time
finding
it properly. It can Change the verb form
to find
mass
up my concentration Correct your spelling
mess
while
I am a student.Submitted by jeong9962 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic but could benefit from clearer examples and supporting details. Make sure you are not only stating opinions but providing relevant evidence to back them up.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly conveyed. Some sentences are slightly unclear and may confuse readers. Use simpler constructions if necessary to make your point.
coherence cohesion
Try to arrange your arguments more logically. Each paragraph should ideally represent a single, coherent idea that flows naturally and logically from one to the next. This will make your arguments stronger and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion presents your opinion, but it would be stronger if you briefly summarized the key points made in the essay. This reinforces the argument you are making.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to make your arguments more persuasive and concrete.
task achievement
You have adequately covered both perspectives, fulfilling the basic requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a basic structure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are identifiable and show that you understand different viewpoints on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.