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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweigh is increasing. What are the causes and solutions of this problem.

#people #risk #health #overweigh
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The rate of individuals who are in danger of debilitating health issues because of being overweight is rising.
This
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 is mainly because of a sedentary lifestyle and an unhealthy diet. There are a number of solutions that should be implemented to deal with the issue of being overweight.
Firstly
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, the reason for most
people
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 being overweight is that their lifestyle has become far too sedentary.
In other words
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, they stopped doing any physical activities, even the simplest ones,
such
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 as walking or even running for a little bit.
As a result
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, they are not able to burn their
calories
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, and eventually, they start gaining weight.
Secondly
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, many
people
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 consume unhealthy
food
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.
That is
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 to say,
people
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 these days enjoy eating fast
food
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 and processed
food
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, namely hamburgers and chicken nuggets, which are high in
calories
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.
For example
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, in the USA, many
people
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 are obese because of the excessive consumption of fast
food
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 namely KFC and Mcdonald's. There are two effective solutions to the problem of
people
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 being overweight. One effective method for dealing with
this
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 serious predicament is for
people
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 should start taking up outdoor sports or physical activity, namely gardening or walking, which can help them stay active. In fact, these activities can help them burn
calories
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 and enhance their immune systems. Another method is that
people
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 should have a healthy diet. They have to consume more nutritious foods that have essential vitamins and minerals.
For instance
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, they can eat
food
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 with fewer
calories
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 and eat more fruits and vegetables.
This
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 will help them have a great body shape.
To sum up
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, taking part in outdoor sports or physical activities and avoiding unhealthy
food
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 very effective in dealing with
this
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 issue. If
people
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 implemented these solutions, the number of
people
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 who suffer from being overweight would be reduced.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, consider providing more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is cohesive, using a broader range of cohesive devices can strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs even further.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with ideas presented in a well-organized and coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively linked, providing a strong framework for the essay.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, though there is room for further detail.
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