IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Over reliance on moder modern technology means that people are failing to learn or are forgetting many basic skills .to what extent is it true our people becoming so reliant and modern technology that they are no longer able to do some things without it?

#reliance #moder #technology #people #skills
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Modern technology has become an integral part of our daily lives
,
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apply
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 and has brought many huge benefits.
However
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, believing that people are becoming so dependent on it is inevitably true. In some areas ,particularly satellite navigation systems and social media.
Firstly
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 to talk about the reliance on satellites , the New generation of youth who were born after 2000 ,are literally unable to understand that in the past there was not
such
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 a thing as Google Maps and everyone had to spend hours to find addresses on paper maps and ask their surroundings.
Hence
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,
also
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 for myself,
this
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 is inevitable that learning and memorizing addresses are
nonesense
Correct your spelling
nonsense
 and nobody feels the need to learn these skills when there are applications that come to help us in seconds.
Additionally
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, the second service
that is
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 making us so reliant on is social media
such
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 as Linkedin and Instagram. These platforms are absolutely so helpful to save time to make a network with similar tastes.
Hence
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 with their help, almost everyone is constantly making friends, finding suitable job positions, communicating and pursuing most of the transactions in minutes.
For instance
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, recently, to find my current position in a company in Tabriz, I just asked a friend by messaging in seconds and he led me to a proper pharmaceutical company by searching keywords of pharmacy in its search engine of Linkedin . In a nutshell ,
however
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, we use the named applications to search for everything we need, lives have become over-reliant and it is almost impossible to find people without them.
Therefore
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 we almost forgot how to communicate in conventional ways. In conclusion,
Although
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 modern technology has opened so many new doors for us to live
easier
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easily
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, it has made users unable to live conventionally and independently by using satellite navigation and social media.
Submitted by nargesamin0 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance overall cohesion.
task achievement
Physical map reading is not extinct as you described, consider a more balanced view in your examples.
task achievement
Clear examples that illustrate dependency on modern technology, such as Google Maps and social media.
coherence cohesion
A strong introduction and conclusion clearly present the main argument and reinforce the essay's stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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