Task 2 It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages ?

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It
is believe
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is believed
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that taking
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risk
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risks
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is an essential thing for every human being, both in their professional and their personal
lives
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. Personally, it seems to me that taking
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risk
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risks
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is a must for
individual
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the individual
an individual
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which could contribute
more
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a more
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positive impact on their
lives
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. On the one hand, taking
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risk
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risks
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means how to learn to be an independent figure. Every single day in our
lives
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, we have to face so many adversities and challenges which could strain our mentality.
As
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For
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example, a manager in a
start up
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start-up
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company who
forced
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is forced
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to take faster responsibility
of
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for
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any issue relating to its position,
it
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apply
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will not have longer or even enough time to ask any opinion of its
surrounding
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surroundings
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.
Instead
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waiting
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of waiting
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and wasting time to hear many
differences
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different
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opinion, it
have
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has
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to take a better and wiser way as it thinks as the best path to fix its problems. Meanwhile, by taking
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risk
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risks
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value
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valued
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as a wiser and
independent
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more independent
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person will
earned
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earn
be earned
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.
On the other hand
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, whether as
professional
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a professional
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or in
personal
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our personal
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lives
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life
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, taking
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risk
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risks
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will boost our self to improve our confidence. One of the simplest
example
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examples
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is when a fresh graduate student
face
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faces
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two options, either it
have
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has
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to directly
apply
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apply for
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a job or
continuing
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continue
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its study.
By
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This
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this
Linking Words
situation,
it
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apply
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would force us to choose one of the best
thing
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things
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that we
considered
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consider
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would
contribute
Verb problem
have
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less bad impact
to
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on
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our
lives
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and
career
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careers
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.
To conclude
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, taking
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risk
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risks
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for everyone in all aspects of life means how to be brave and to be an independent person, to stand
in
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on
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our own and not depend
in
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on
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others.
Moreover
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, it would
be improve
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improve
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our self
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ourselves
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to be more confident, to believe in
our self
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ourselves
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in every
situations
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situation
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.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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task achievement
The essay covers the basic aspects of the task, discussing both professional and personal lives in the context of taking risks. However, some points lack clarity and development. Ensure that all main points are comprehensively discussed and supported with detailed examples.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy. This will contribute to better clarity and more professional tone.
coherence cohesion
Aim to use varied and complex sentence structures while maintaining clarity. This can elevate the coherence and sophistication of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases are used, but improve the transitions between ideas and paragraphs for a smoother flow of information.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The intention behind the arguments is clear, and the essay stays broadly relevant to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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