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Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

#people #employment #job
These days, the main problem is
money
 because when you do not have the
money
 you cannot provide a good situation with your family;
as a result
, we can see the competition in the real world between elderly
people
 who need a
job
 with a new generation.
This
 essay will discuss the main problems associated with
this
 matter and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Currently, every issue has some effect, and for
this
 matter, the influence is reduced
job
 positions;
furthermore
, old
people
 can find jobs better. When a lot of
people
 apply for jobs,
then
 most of them cannot obtain work because
job
 opportunities
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 limited, so the governments must exchange their ways.
For example
, a company need 100
people
 for a full position, but the
people
 who apply are 300 persons;
thus
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
200
people
 cannot get a
job
. when old
people
 apply for work most of the time they get work
due to
 the fact they not only have more experience but
also
 save less
money
;
besides
, most of the time they earn a retired salary. In my opinion, the best solutions for
this
 problem are both raising retired income and accepting younger
people
. On the one hand, if old
people
 do not have
money
 problems;
therefore
, they do not apply for a new occupation. The factory has to acknowledge the Young generation
instead
 of the old
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a lot of experience:
therefore
, the production will be better. To illustrate, a supported society uses old
people
 and fewer teenagers;
then
 after many
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 when old
people
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
,
this
 population do not have any workers.
To conclude
, old
people
 are really good workers for manufacturers whose profit is the main aid, yet when the young generation is unemployed the countries cannot develop;
hence
, getting
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 for younger
people
 is a really important fact.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph deals with a specific point and expands on it adequately. Avoid jumping between ideas abruptly.
task achievement
Revise the essay to include more detailed and specific examples to support your points. Examples should be varied and detailed to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your arguments and ensure that your main points are clearly differentiated from one another. Using subpoints can help achieve this clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the problem and outlines what the essay will discuss.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide solutions to the discussed problems, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly restates the main points and provides a final thought on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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