IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactiory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #unsatisfactiory #job #shortage #money #situations
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The bad
Correct article usage
Bad
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 situations
happens
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happen
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 in our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. The two reactions exist against these problems. Some people believe that they should
to
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apply
show examples
accept
this
 situation and
to
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apply
show examples
enjoy their
lifes
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lives
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. Others believe that they cannot live happily with
life
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life's
show examples
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficult
 and should solve any problems. We discuss both
approches
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approaches
. The first view you can meet
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 profound works of
greek
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Greek
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phylosophers
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philosophers
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.
For example
, Diogenes, the great thinker of
antient
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ancient
 times. He was an adept of
idea
Add an article
the idea
an idea
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 that everybody should be moderate in their desires and enjoy any moment in their life.
For instance
unsatisfactiory
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unsatisfactory
satisfactory
 job or
shortage
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a shortage
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 of money,
man
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a man
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 can have
a
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apply
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good
feels
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feelings
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 even if he won't have
ones
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one
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, it is a harmful bustle for human
satisfactory
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satisfaction
show examples
 and
placid
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a placid
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 existence.
Also
 happens man has an interesting well-paid job but he undergoes very hard
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficult
difficulty
hence
 he begins to be nervous, exhausted,
Correct word choice
and annoyanced
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annoyanced
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and annoyed
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. Sometimes,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 has a lot of money but doesn't have the time to spend
one
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it
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. The second opinion,
conversely
, claims that we need a correction of bad situations. In other terms as a rule people need
in
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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success namely
a
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apply
show examples
wealthy
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wealth
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,
a
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apply
show examples
fame,
respect
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and respect
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 from all mankind. Nobody must endure
a suffer
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suffering
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on
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in
show examples
work place
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the workplace
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 and every person must be
secured
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secure
show examples
 and have a big welfare. It will help to improve
a
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apply
show examples
quality of life,
for example
, allow
to purchase
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purchasing
show examples
a modern appliances
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modern appliances
a modern appliance
show examples
,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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get
a
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apply
show examples
quality healthcare,
receive
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and receive
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an
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a
show examples
 useful education. It
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 ideal sample for aspiration. It is a difficult way,
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and required
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required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
endeavor and
a
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apply
show examples
patience. To summarise, a certain answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 question doesn't exist. My opinion concludes that every person should choose
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 comfortable variant. I cannot diminish my desires
therefore
 I am a proponent of
second
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the second
show examples
 option.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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Grammar
Work on your grammatical accuracy to improve the clarity of your sentences. This will make it easier for the reader to understand your argument.
Development and Examples
Develop your main points further with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more comprehensive.
Balance
Aim for a more balanced discussion by elaborating equally on both viewpoints. Your essay currently leans more towards one side.
Task Response
It's clear that you've put effort into discussing both viewpoints. This is a critical requirement for a discussion essay and you have met this criterion.
Logical Structure
You've included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps provide structure to your essay.
Examples and Support
The reference to Greek philosophers shows an attempt to bring in historical context and wider perspectives. This is a good effort to enrich your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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