IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important to use land for human needs such as farming, housing, and industry than to save it for endangered animals. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#land #industry #animals
The issue
that
Change preposition
of
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 whether lands should be used to meet human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
show examples
 needs or should be protected for
animals
, which are in danger of extinction, is a controversial topic. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will elaborate on
arguments
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
 of both sides. Those who support the belief of using lands for human needs promote the idea that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the noblest of creatures, meaning that other creatures are supposed to serve
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In fact, all resources including land, water, and the
environment
 should be implemented for human being's welfare. A
further
 belief says that
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of animal species justifies their extinction,
while
 human is the only creature with intellect and decision-making skills engrained in their nature.
Therefore
, all efforts should be made to protect human
beings
 and meet their requirements. Opponents of
this
 quote,
on the other hand
, claim that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 human
beings
 and
animals
 have been created to cohabit on the earth, meaning that human
beings
 are not allowed to ruin the
environment
 and nature for their personal interests.
Nevertheless
, human's careless and inconsiderate consumption of natural resources contradicts
this
 belief and natural habitats of
animals
 have been affected negatively over the past few years. Burning fossil fuels,
for instance
, has led to
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 carbon footprint, ruined
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
environment
, and
consequently
 more
animals
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in danger of extinction. In conclusion, it would seem that the earth is a house to all creatures, not only to human
beings
;
therefore
, human
beings
 should feel obliged to preserve the natural
environment
 including land and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not employ it for their personal use.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This can make your essay more convincing and grounded in real-world scenarios.
task achievement
Clarify some of your ideas further to enhance their comprehensibility. Ensure that each main point is fully explained and leaves no room for ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a logical structure, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. More use of transition words can help improve the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the development of your main points. Make sure each argument is elaborated with specific examples and clear reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good frame for the arguments discussed.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, making it easy to follow the writer's arguments.
task achievement
The response addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and show a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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