IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #children
I am sure that all of the educational activities are helping
children
 in the learning process in their own ways.
Moreover
, nowadays, there are many ways that can be used as
children
's learning tools. Some people think reading
stories
 in books is a good way in
children
's learning technique. First of all, reading books encourages imagination and creativity as
children
 visualize the
stories
 in their minds,
whereas
 TV or video games often provide ready-made images and scenarios. Reading
stories
 in books has special advantages,
such
 as helping stimulate
children
's imagination, preparing them to become more familiar with new vocabularies, and having a systematic way of thinking.
For example
, when
children
 read a story about food
while
 enjoying their breakfast, usually the book would
also
 describe the breakfast situation in detail,
such
 as what was the meal, how was it tasted, the place, etc. These little details really help
children
 to have a better understanding of language use.
Secondly
, Reading
stories
 provides emotional benefits and improves empathy, as descendants' method to understand the perspectives of different characters.
On the other hand
, watching TV and playing computer games have unique benefits too for
children
. Watching animation could become a refreshing activity which can be enjoyed with other family members. It
also
 provides an interesting visualization and story. It can be used as a learning tool for
children
 to stimulate their creativity. In conclusion, all of these things, reading
stories
 and watching TV or playing video games are good to improve
children
's learning process. The parents have to be wise to control
children
 in using the learning method just for education.
Submitted by imeldarosari6 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, try to make the structure even more defined by explicitly stating your main points in the introduction and referring back to them in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Including statistics or studies could add more weight to your points.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully expanded. For instance, the section on how TV and games stimulate creativity could be detailed more.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and indicates a balanced view between the different educational activities.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents balanced viewpoints, addressing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate how reading can benefit children's development, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • deeper understanding
  • language comprehension
  • critical thinking
  • empathy
  • perspectives
  • emotional benefits
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • cognitive development
  • educational programs
  • interactive
  • stimulate
  • relaxation
  • reduce stress
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